Herpes & dating

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2020.10.26 23:29 Diligent_Bandicoot95 Health Anxiety Help + Positive stories?

Hi guys!
So long story short I’ve had this spot on my labia for quite some time. It’s like a little indent/crater reminds me of an acne scar. I’ve had it for a week or more now. It’s not where any hair grows really. Never noticed any blistering and it really never bothered me unless I kept messing with it. I have health anxiety about getting STIs even when I use protection so I’ve pretty much been looking down there with a makeup mirror everyday.
Well I went to the obgyn and she said she was going to swab it just in case. She said the only reason she doesn’t think it’s herpes is because it’s rare to just have one spot, it’s been there for longer than a week, and I “didn’t want to kick [her] in the face in pain” when she swabbed it (it felt kind of weird but I didn’t want to say ow or anything)
Well now of course I’m in a paranoid spiral. I had casual sex one time with protection why me blah blah blah all that usual stuff. It hurts when I touch it now (maybe because I’m messing with it). Is there any advice you all have on waiting for results?? How did you calm your anxiety? Also any positive stories or words of comfort? I know it’s not the end of the world but my anxiety likes to obsess. My therapist has also been booked up this week so no help there.
On a lighter note, this paranoia has made me closely follow this sub and I love hearing your stories and it really has helped me erase my own internal stigma. I called a few of my friends to tell them I was nervous and two of them actually have genital herpes!! I had no idea. My one friend has oral herpes and said she would easily sleep with someone with herpes and it wasn’t a big deal. Further, I told the guy I really liked about my worry and he said “I mean I’d still date you if you had herpes, doesn’t change anything about who you are.” Everyone keeps joking to me saying “you are more concerned than anyone else is”
So I wanted you all to know you’ve really helped me out and that there’s tons of open minded (not influenced by pop culture stigma) people out there. Now if only that could help me get over this anxiety. Any tips? Positive stories of getting married and living happily ever after? Please let me know
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2020.10.26 23:13 SecreteSlut Just got home from the doctors

I tried not to cry when she told me I probably have herpes because there’s a bump on my private and some of my arm I had showed a different doctor a week ago via FaceTime and she said it was a boil but to go in if it didn’t go away or I got more bumps anywhere else. I’m crying in my room scared and shocked I don’t know who to even talk to about it because I don’t know who anyone who has it or who I got it from, I do porn so dating is already hard and now I probably have herpes? Like my life just feels like a joke at this point just one bad thing after another no matter how positive I try to be or tell myself it’s okay because everything happens for a reason it always seems worse things start to happen I know I’ll be fine I just hope I can calm down And idk make some new friends going through the same thing
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2020.10.26 22:56 babygoose11111 I think my boyfriend of almost two years gave me herpes...

To start it off me (21F) and my boyfriend (24M) have been dating for almost two years now. He is my very first boyfriend and we are very serious in our relationship (talking about the future etc). We’ve known each other for four years and we really feel right for each other.
He has had quite a different past than me. Talked to many girls, enjoyed hooking up and playing the field in his early twenties, and sometimes I am admittedly jealous that I never got to experience that stage of life. I have only ever kissed two guys (thats including him!) and it seems there’s a really good possibility that we will end up together for the long run and that’ll be it for me. Which I don’t mind at all, I love him very much, but I do get jealous that he got to experiment and see who and what he liked.
So, after all that backstory- I’ve only ever slept with him. Fast forward to now, when I realize I have yet another down-there issue... but this time I start putting things together: every so often I get a painful bump(s) down there, sometimes accompanied with a UTI. I start googling things and here I find myself facing the fact I might very well have herpes. Of course there is only one person I would have gotten it from... my boyfriend.
I never asked him directly before how many people he slept with, past is past blah blah blah. But last night during this realization, I did. He said around 15....
That was a huge blow to me. It’s so unequal in our relationship, I slept with ONE he slept with around 15? But the real kicker here is, I’ve slept with ONE person and got this STD?!! Because he’s slept around.
I’m distraught about MANY things. I have a STD test tomorrow to confirm my suspicions.
I need advice Reddit :(
TL;DR: before me, my boyfriend slept around with over 15 girls and gave me (a virgin before him) an STD
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2020.10.26 20:49 Herpeherp55 Reminder: This Could be Your Last Disclosure

I'm making this post to kind of put into more complete terms what I usually message people that have posts about really struggling with their diagnosis. With all of the doom and gloom on this sub, "I'm so sad, I don't know how I'm going to go on, etc." I think it's important to keep the title of this post in sight.
My usual advice to people is simply to work on yourself. Hit the gym, build your education or career, pick up new skills, etc. It all comes down to being able to offer much more than a relatively mild STI. I always tell people, before you had HSV let's say you met someone you've really connected with, you've been on multiple dates, you find them attractive, they are a complete package and bring a lot to the table, they're what you're looking for. Would you completely kick them to the curb because they picked up HSV in college? Probably not.. The same goes for everyone reading this, when you've found someone that you REALLY connect with, I can't see anyone throwing a whole relationship away that was great by every measure except for the fact that one partner has herpes.
But yes, HSV does make dating slightly harder, it adds an additional hurdle. However, once you disclose and end up with a permanent parter, that problem no longer applies. The next person you disclose to you could end up with permanently, and never need to disclose again. Don't let occasional genital acne get built up in your mind to be more than it is. Be willing to improve yourself and give everything you offer to your relationships. Because everyone is far more than this condition, if HSV is your defining trait, you need to put in some work in other areas of life..
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2020.10.26 09:57 Neeee-nerrrr Ex boyfriend scammer. Is there anything I can or should do (PA)

Short version: met a guy who took money from me, gave me an STD, and I caught in a documented lie to his landlord. Is there anything I can do legally after 2 years? Is it worth it? What is my moral responsibility to other women?
Long version: Met a guy online but did my due diligence and checked him out before our 1st date (in Oct 2018). I fell hard for him and within a months he asked me to move in with promises (marriage! Kids! A future after 35!). We agreed I’d move in the spring or sooner if my roommate situation changed.
In December, his job was in flux and was worried about rent and presents for his kids ( he had 4 with 3 women who all cheated on him... yeah...red flag...). I had some money from my old 401k coming in shortly to pay off debts. I agreed to give him some as future security towards my part of rent. I gave him $1,500 in cash. (Dec 15th). He got “busy” around Christmas with kids/family/work so we didn’t see each other. By New Years his grandmother was dying and he was too busy and then she died. He stopped talking to me. Kept saying he needed space if I texted. I backed off.
After a week of silence, I figured he must have broken up with me, but I wasn’t sure. Then when I got fed up with waiting I contacted a mural friend to see if there was something I was missing (was he having an emotional meltdown or breaking up with me?). He called me and screamed at me for stalking him and he would get a restraining order or sue me or something. I told him I just wanted my things, money and for him to actually break up with me. He calmed down and then strung me along for several weeks about paying me back. He let his phone get disconnected (for non payment).
About 2 months later, a friend showed me the jerk had a new girlfriend (documented in Facebook). In a diplomatic way I contact her via messenger to warn her about the STD: “I dated Mr X and we had unprotected sex last on ___. I was positive for herp. He claims he didn’t have it. He may not disclose this info to you. Good luck.” Nothing weird. I blocked her and him and dropped the mutual friend. I felt I did a public service for her (they broke up the next day in Facebook.
I was embarrassed that I fell for his lies and got used but felt helpless. My parents wanted me to take him to court but I just felt like an idiot. I just moved on a a best I could. I knew his grandmother hadn’t died (I’d met her and knew her area). No obit or anything. I couldn’t afford to just go to court for money is probably never see (I know he owed child support).
Then a few months ago I realized his email account was still linked to mine from a project we had worked on using my computer. I decided to snoop and found he had sent his landlord a letter around the same time I was getting my payment (early December 2018). He told his landlord his SON HAD DIED and was waiting on life insurance to pay out!!! WTF!!! I was there at his place every day during this time and he talked with all his VERY MUCH ALIVE children every night.
I don’t know if I should do anything. Can I do anything? 1) My doctor said the STD probably could not. be traced to him. I was tested between partners. But the doctor said since the standard test didn’t check for herpes, I couldn’t prove anything. 2) since I gave him cash I only have a few text messages and bank records as proof of the $1500. 3) His lies to his landlord is creepy but I saw the email via snooping and they might not care.
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2020.10.26 08:57 Ok-Trifle-9350 Date dislosed to me she had genital herpes what does this mean for our sex life going forward?

I met this amazing woman online, chemistry is through the roof and at our 2nd date we slept together. Just before, she told me that 1 year ago a guy she was dating had given her genital herpes through oral sex. She said it should not be contagious most of the time, but the virus is always there so she wanted me to know before we had sex. Anyway we used a condom so I didnt think much of it.
But now I am wondering what it really means longer term as we are both looking for a serious relationship.
So even if we are both tested and have no other STD's does it mean we will still need to use condoms forever? Also I gave her oral sex and later wondered if it was unsafe for me to do that? I understand what I can do to maximize my safety, but longer term I prefer to just have sex without all these measure...
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2020.10.25 22:56 HSV2_user Big milestone- My first disclosure

Hi All,
I just had my first experience of disclosing my status to someone I'm dating. It was our second date, and we were taking a walk in the park. The conversation turned to our dating history, and when I was explaining why I had been taking a break from it I said, "I should also probably mention that I have HSV, which is the virus that can cause herpes. It's in about 20% of adults, so it's very common, but I take medication which makes it unlikely that I could give it to someone else. Anyway, it's not a big deal, but it is something I thought I should let you know."
She acted very casual about it and thanked me for telling her. When I asked if she was familiar with HSV, she said not really but she didn't want to ask questions so we left it at that. The date continued (it went well!), and we're planning to meet up again. From her reaction, it was hard to get a sense of how she felt about it. I don't think this will be a big problem for her but even if it is, I'm surprised at how easy the conversation went. It's amazing how much anguish I felt imagining these conversations, only to learn that it's really not so frightening. This community helped me a lot- if not for your positive and encouraging stories, this would have been much more difficult to do.
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2020.10.25 18:16 flythefinest Hoping for feedback

Hey everyone! I'm a 22f who is going through a breakuo after a 8months relationshio with 31m So to make things simple: we met on tinder and on our first date I didn't make an effort to dress up or wear makeup because I wasn't really in the mindset to seduce him. Just wanted to meet some ppl. That day he told me things like "if i introduced you to my friends they would be like "wtf" because all my exes were fine as fuck" and other kind of hurtful things about my looks. I ghosted him out of disgust for his personnality but about 3 weeks later I decided he seemed like a person I could have fun with in bed. So we had sex and it went well there was a very strong connection and we started talking every single day. He would always talk to me about previous girls he fucked. Some of the things he did with them, how some of them squirted everywhere... And about one of his ex that he dated in 2013 that was really the ONE girl he really loved and gor stuck on. One time I asked a dumb question if he thought me or his ex were more beautiful and he said "you are both as sexy to me but the general public would be more attracted to her". He also said stuff like "it's your imperfections that make you pretty" (???) overall just made me doubt myself physically. He also told me he likes girls with huge tits when mine are pretty small. He would look at girls in the street etc. I was constantly stalking his exes trying to compare myself to them. We had some lows and one day when we were broken up but I was at his house I saw he was on tinder behind my back even tho he told me he wasn't. And from that point I lost all my trust in him. Basically I was miserable with my self esteem and confidence towards him I would even buy clothes according to what I thought he would like... Anyways I drove him insane with my low self esteem and he has blocked me. I feel so dumb but couldn't help but feel that way. And since he gave me herpes I feel like I can't even go and find someone new... What do you guys think? Was I wrong to doubt my looks towards him?
I forgot to mention that he has told me i was beautiful a million times and just great and all that but those things he said just stuck with me
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2020.10.24 22:47 Beautiful_with_Ghsv1 Do they come back?

I’m curious to know if anyone has disclosed to someone and they were turned down and about a month later they came back. I was listening to a couple podcasts and it was 2 women talking about their experiences dating with herpes and they both said that after a month some guys actually came back. Like sir the herpes are still here, what changed your mind? Lol. Those women said that at that point they weren’t interested anymore and I get that. But I wonder if y’all have any stories about disclosing and then someone coming back after a month or so.
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2020.10.24 20:23 nutninjakildong Positive Romancing (24, M)

Hello everyone! I'm here to ask for any input or suggestions for my disclosure plan. I haven't had any new romantic encounters since I got herpes so I'm only going off my pre-herpes experience and what I've read. I'll start off with a bit of context.
I picked up herpes about a year and a half ago. In the two years prior I slept with around 20 women and figured I'd probably get it eventually, even though I always used a condom for hookups and casual relationships. I was lucky enough to get it from someone I loved and who disclosed to me before I got it. My ex girlfriend was mostly asymptomatic and only realized she had it after getting tested for a recurring bout of chlamydia we dealt with from when we were starting off, before we were committed. My symptoms were shitty but have become much less severe and less frequent over the last year.
Anyway, we broke up some months ago and I'm ready to move on (lockdown permitting..). My one size fits all kiss & escalate PUA approach was immature and in need of an update anyway, even if it was effective for getting laid. So I'm here to ask you what you think of my disclosure plan! Here it is:
Potential Committed Relationship: If I really like someone, I'll take them on a couple (3-5) sweet dates/adventures before I ask her to meet me somewhere privately public (like a park near her place) to disclose. Of course what I say and how I say it will depend on the person I'm saying it to, but after a couple minutes of conversation I think I'll say something like "You know, I really like you. You could even be my one in eight billion.. vulnerably looks into her eyes ..but I'm just one in seven. I've got the herp baby!" dramatically shoving my hands into my pockets, looking down to the floor and bracing myself to be kicked to the curb. You only get to drop that bomb once, and we all know it can change things, but after the initial surprise which I hoped to soften with some semi-lighthearted drama, I'll be available to discuss things more seriously and warmly with her, and I'll be prepared to give detailed facts with sources cited. No attempts to coerce a definitive response will come from me. I'll make it clear that if we carry on like we are I'm not necessarily expecting sex anytime soon, but I wanted to let her know before too long. Ideally we'll finish hanging out talking about something nicer before I'm on my way, and she can think it over in private with plenty of time. I'll invite her out a few days later.
Hookups: If I hit it off with a nice enough lady and feel like she's down to end up in bed sooner than later, I'd be happy to oblige. But before any clothes come off I'd have to break the kisses, look into her eyes and say something like "you don't have anything to tell me, that I should know about, do you?" somewhat seriously but playfully enough to not make her uncomfortable. Whether she has her own disclosure to give or not I'll seductively say "well my dick might be off limits for you, but I can show you a good time without it." If she asks me to clarify I'll simply say "I've got herpes" with the mental fact sheet ready. Depending on her response I'll either walk her out, eat her out and get a hj, or use a condom. Lucky for me I'm mostly over hooking up and am happy with 'settling' for giving oral/receiving manual for casual encounters.
So what's up herpes? I'm really more interested in eventually finding a lasting love than getting laid, but I know it takes an actual relationship to see if the love can last. All respectful responses and contributors are welcome, fellow men, women, non-bianary folk, experienced, inexperienced, positive, negative, affirming, critical, everyone! 😄
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2020.10.24 18:30 energy-individual Positive disclosure! :)

Hello! I feel like I have a duty to share my very positive disclosure experience as I posted in here asking for advise beforehand: https://www.reddit.com/Herpes/comments/jeohpp/might_be_falling_for_this_guy_advice_fo
As you'd find in that post, I really, really like this guy. Basically, i told him exactly how I had planned. Sat him down and told him I'd like to share something before things escalated any further, I'm asymptomatic, can protect him, and it's really not a big deal. I was a bit more serious and emotional than I had planned to be but he really gave me the space to fully be real with it so it doesn't matter.
Before anything, he told me it doesn't change anything. Shared what he knew about the virus (that you shouldn't have sex during an outbreak, that he knew someone who might have had it) and we discussed the details. He said he likes me regardless of sex, as we haven't even had sex yet. It was almost like he was wondering why I was so afraid.
Afterwards, it truly feels like nothing has changed and I feel kind of stupid posting this honestly because I realize how I seriously shouldn't have been stressing. I feel equally as desired. It is no longer a thought in my mind and the weight has been lifted. (might i add that this is an absolutely beautiful man, inside and out, with everything going for him - it's not like I had to settle, in any way at all.)
Just wanted to share bc it's unfair to flood this sub w negative shit and asking for advice without sharing the positive. In my eyes HSV is a blessing, it allows for real genuine connections to be made and takes away the confounding factors. Plz don't get caught in that false mental storyline that your dating life is over and that you have anything to be ashamed of (it's very easy to do so, but it is so incongruent with reality). HSV has simply adjusted our paths in ways we might not understand, but it's serving a valuable purpose, and I'm grateful for that.
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2020.10.24 17:06 memphistaylor17 Is it possible for me (24/F) to find someone who actually wants to touch me?

My first boyfriend of 2 years when I was 18 didn’t like to touch me or go down on me. My next boyfriend, for 3 years and who was great in every other way, also wasn’t interested in foreplay and didn’t go down on me once. After that, I started meeting new people to see if it got better, and it just hasn’t.
For example, I’ve had kind of a casual thing with a guy for about 10 months who I see occasionally. He ended up accidentally giving me HSV-2 because he didn’t know he has it which I’ll explain more in a second. So, I really don’t like the thought of dating and having to tell people this from now on...it’s pretty much just killed my self esteem and feeling of self worth. So I’ve just kept going back to this guy, who never comes to see me and I have to go see him. Every time I come, he will kiss me a lot and expects me to give him a blowjob or two over the night. Sometimes he will have sex with me, sometimes he won’t. However, when we do have sex, he just rubs me over my pants and doesn’t actually touch it beforehand. I guess I’ve justified it because I get really wet by the kissing. As soon as he orgasms in a couple of minutes, the sex is done.
Because of my HSV-2, I’ve kind of accepted that this is way my life is just going to be. Men never really wanted to touch me before (I’ve had only one guy who I didn’t like outside of the bedroom who pleasured me), so they especially won’t want to now that I have HSV-2.
In frustration, I decided I was going to try meeting someone new and telling them and seeing what happened. Even before I got a chance to tell him, a herpes ad came on TV and he turned to me and jokingly said, “I don’t have that.” I just told him that actually most people who have it don’t know they have it so it’s important to get educated, but on the inside I just wanted to cry and go home. I ended up giving him a blowjob and go home because I couldn’t tell him.
I ended up telling him over text, and he responded by saying he was completely joking and he regretted how insensitive it was, and wanted me to come over again. Before I told him I had HSV, he was texting me about giving me head and I was so happy that someone might care about my needs too. I was kind of hopeful when I went over last night, but he ended up just kind of putting it in my face and expecting me to give him a blowjob. It lasted about 30 minutes and I had to really perform because he is hard to make cum and he kept telling me to “spit on it.” Finally, he finished himself in front of me and then that was it. It was pretty clear he wasn’t interested in touching me...he grazed my boobs and kissed me a little bit but nothing beyond that, not even over my clothes. I was jealous of how good he got to feel because I haven’t felt that way in a long time. I guess it just really hurts.
Is this just going to be my way of life, especially now that I have this disease? And if so, how do I accept that I may never get to experience normal sex? Is it possible for me to find someone who would not only look past this but also want to touch me? I’m sorry for all the questions. I’ve just been hiding this pain for a long time and I’m not sure what to do. I feel like I’m diseased and like something is wrong with me. With HSV-2, I completely understand someone wouldn’t want to put their mouth down there because there is a very small chance that they could get it on their mouth. I also understand that no one wants this at all so sex may not get to be a regular part of my life anymore. I’m just not sure how to not feel resentful of the men who get to experience so much pleasure and I just give so much effort with nothing in return.
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2020.10.24 07:34 Mammoth_Otherwise Disclosure advice

Hey y’all. I (f25) contracted gHSV1 about 3 months ago. Honestly, it hasn’t really effected me much at all. Ive only had my initial ob for about 2 weeks total and it was fairly mild, just a little uncomfortable. I’ve told 2 people I already knew for a few years and neither of them thought it a big deal and I’ve had protected sex with both of them since being diagnosed. Recently, I met someone new I have a connection with, so I’ve started thinking about disclosure if things continue to go well within the new couple of weeks. I’m kind of nervous to disclose to someone who doesn’t know me very well yet, so I’m hoping y’all will read over what I have written out and give me feedback or advice. I also have this link to send him depending on if/what questions he has: https://sites.google.com/view/herpes-slaying-the-stigma/dating-someone-with-ghsv-1
“Before anything moves forward, I do wanna let you know that I have hsv1, the virus that causes cold sores. Instead of having it orally, I have it genitally. It’s no biggie really, I’m on daily antivirals and hardly ever have symptoms so the transmission rate is hella low. It’s also pretty common so no one has really cared in the past, but I value honesty and... I like you :) so I wanted you to know. You can ask me anything abt it.”
Thanks in advance herpsters 💕
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2020.10.24 03:29 SookieStackhouse37 Friday Night Grown Folk talk....

Hello Reddit... I'm coming to y'all for a friend. Now this is serious questions and concerns..if you childish and can't handle it move on....But I have a friend that recently found out they have herpes...it's been a year since they was diagnosed. They have not had any sexual encounters since then. And She's ready to get back in the dating scene. What's the safest way to her to have a healthy relationship without her passing it along to her partners? She's hasn't had any outbreaks al all..And the doctors say the meds that they do provide is basically for outbreaks? Is that true? What meds are best for her to take to prevent from transmitting this? Any dating tips and how to live easier?
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2020.10.23 20:46 Revolutionary_Song16 Newly diagnosed, have some questions

Alright well I’ve been reading this sub furiously for a few days and I’m both grateful and overwhelmed so I have some questions.
Just a couple days ago I got my routine annual STD blood tests back. I got the IGG HSV test and it came back HSV 1 1.2 (positive) and HSV 2 .95 (equivocal). I called my doctor and he gave me a whopping 2 minutes. He said “you have tested positive for herpes 1 and 2 I’m sorry to say”. I asked what I should do and he said “nothing”. That was it.
Although I don’t know exactly when I would’ve contracted it, my last sexual contact was 7 months ago. Prior to that (and the partner I suspect more) it would’ve been 16 months ago. I’ve never had any symptoms. No lesions, no flu like symptoms. My lip has peeled a lot but my derm said it was super chapped lips.
So thanks to this sub I called up UofW to order the western blot. Here go my questions:
  1. My doc (gyno) wasn’t super helpful. Who can help me with the UofW test? Does a doctor need to get involved? Where have you gotten blood drawn? (Im in the US)
  2. Someone here said there is a supplement that can help control outbreaks. I feel like it started with an L but can’t recall since I’ve read so much. Anyone know?
  3. Has anyone ever gone this long without an outbreak? Will I definitely know I am having one? I am not sure how I would ever disclose while dating since I am asymptomatic.
  4. Has anyone found any helpful reading materials or support groups or the like? I tend to like to get over informed.
  5. Does anyone else have BOTH types or am I the super lucky gal that got double herpes from a 20 minute tryst?
  6. How do I stop obsessing over my vagina all day? I can’t stop inspecting it. I feel like my elbow could hurt and I would think it’s herpes. I’m a little tightly wound at the moment.
Thanks and I hope this doesn’t get flagged since this is my first post. Even writing this all down makes me feel better!
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2020.10.23 15:14 21noway21 Herpes Vaccine

I was looking at herpes wikipedia page and saw some of the vaccine researchs had a final date of 2021. How possible is it? And do you guys believe there will ever be vaccine or cure for it? I’m really tired of seeing blisters around my anus every single month. And I even wanna be one of the participants for these resesrchs.
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2020.10.23 10:02 throwRAval I [30F] found Valtrex, medication to manage herpes in the guy [33M] I'm dating's apartment

We've went on a couple of dates already.
We have not had sex.
He's a great guy and everything is going good so far! He doesn't pressure me or anything. I actually really like him.
Today, we were in his apartment. We were gonna have dinner and watch a movie. While he was in the bathroom, I was looking for a cup and opened one of his cabinets.
That's when I saw the Valtrex.
I knew what Valtrex was already and what it is used for - it is commonly used to manage herpes.
We ate dinner and watched the movie. We had a good time. I didn't mention seeing the bottle of Valtrex.
I actually do know a lot about STDs (my sister is a gynecologist). As long as he's on Valtrex, it's really no different than trying to not get pregnant.
So, no, him having herpes does not change how I view or feel about him.
But should I tell him that I know now? When I saw the bottle, I was wondering whether or not I should bring it up to let him know that it doesn't bother me. But, I also feel like it's something that he should bring up whenever he is comfortable because it's personal.
TLDR: Found out the guy I'm dating is on medication to manage herpes. He doesn't know that I know, but it doesn't bother me. Should I tell him?
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2020.10.23 03:44 lovelltheNight I’m a bit lost I guess?

Hey, so recently over the last few days I have discovered I have genital herpes. I’m not really upset about having it. I’m just going to get on antivirals and call it good and take care of myself.
My only problem is recently I have been dating this wonderful girl. Immediately when I figured out it was herpes I told her what was going on as we have had unprotected sex recently and it was during my first OB (I didn’t know that it was herpes at the time) and I feel so fucking terrible for that. She’s wonderful, and frankly I feel responsible. She has said things like “it was both of our responsibilities” and whatnot but fuck bro. It lowly breaks my heart.
She got tested today. However I’m not sure the odds are in her favor here. She tells me she’s anxious, but I’m just so emotionally unavailable the past few days. I feel so much guilt to even have put her through this.
I don’t mean to offend anyone. You guys are right it is very common and things like this are a part of life. However I guess I just like this girl so much that I didn’t want to do anything to ruin our relationship or even put a bad day into her head.
I guess I have some questions
  1. Do these relationships typically last? How often do you see people where one has infected the other go smoothly.
  2. Is there anything I can do to make her less nervous, or more comfortable? She means a lot to me and I just want to make her feel ok.
However I think she’s handling it better than me.
Thank you for reading
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2020.10.23 03:11 Jackssslol stigmatization behind herpes and dating :(

I went on a second date with a guy i really liked, and i told him i had herpes.. he asked a few questions and everything was okay, but today he left me on read and he's still viewing my snapchat story. im super heartbroken and want to cry so bad. why does herpes have to be so stigmatized.
update: i slid up on his story and he was replying dry like always so it wasn't strange but i just wanted to end the conversation at that point so i said "okay..." and he said "stfu"(jokingly) and i just said "lmao" and he just sent a snap picture then left me on delivered, he's still posting and stuff so i guess i'm accepting it and i'm just gonna try to stop thinking about him.
i hate having attachment issues
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2020.10.23 02:21 destinmonster What should I do in Ft Walton beach as a lonely monster?

I know this sub is kinda dead but wanted to at least ask for some advice.
So...I've been to this condo in Ft Walton beach a million times with my parents and obviously had to behave since I was staying in their spare bedroom which limits the amount of evilness that can be done.
This year, for halloween weekend, I managed to get the whole place to myself. I honestly don't know what my parents are thinking because this is the first time I've ever been able stay there alone. This is weird because I'm 40 and fairly responsible as a human being but they don't trust me because...i dunno, anyway, that's second date talk.
I'd like to find some places outside to have a drink at night and try to seduce a mid 30's/early 40's or looks great for her 50's woman for a few days of evilness. I'm at a loss because if I was in my 60's then there is much more...whatever, but I'm still young at heart.
More scared of covid then herpes so any advice for places outside.
Also do you have a good goat guy, I have one where I live but it might tricky to transport in my car? I also need a bunch of firewood.
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2020.10.22 22:28 2Romain Appropriate Time to Get IgG Blood Test?

I wanted to know if I’m at risk of getting a false negative blood test. My situation is that I feel I may have been exposed to HSV-1/2 through oral sex, twelve days later I took a ten panel STD blood test, which included both forms of HSV and am currently waiting results. Less than two days after the exposure date, about 38 hours to be precise, I noticed a single large, pinkish/white colored lump in the pubic area just above the base of my penis, which hurt because it creased with my pubic area when I sat down. Because it had a few hairs emerging from it I believed it was an ingrown hair until about a week later when I scratched it and it bled. It hasn’t formed any craters or anything, and hasn’t been painful since about the 4th day. It remains a pink color and is slowly shrinking, without cratering, without crusting over, which I heard was a common sign of herpes through endless hours of research. I’m still very unsure and very nervous, and I’ve seen nothing like it on any pictures I’ve looked up.
I took the blood test 10 days after the lump showed up, and 12 days after potential exposure but read somewhere that it may take 4-6 weeks for antibodies to be detectable by the test. Can anyone confirm or deny this through their knowledge or personal experience? Thank you for your time.
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2020.10.22 20:34 waffles516 New GHSV1 infection in long term monogamous relationship;; please help

I'm so confused right now. I've been in a relationship with my now bf for over four years now, which has been completely monogamous on my end, and as far as I know (and I definitely would) on his as well. A few weeks ago I started having what seemed like signs of a worsening yeast infection or UTI, basically went to the doctor and had a sore up my by clitoris area which seemed to be the culprit for the increasing pain so my doctor swabbed it and I also received an IgG blood test and others to rule out anything else. A couple of days later, blood test negative for both hsv1 and hsv2 as well as everything else. I felt so relieved as I had no earthly idea where anything would have come from (was the typical tested for everything else in recent years but didn't know they omit herpes from the "full panel" like most people and have been with the same person for years) and then a few days later got the call from my doctor saying my cultural swab tested positive for hsv1.
My boyfriend has never had a full blown obvious cold sore that I know of since we've been dating and claims he never had one before but I feel like I remember a zit or blemish of some kind popping up around his oral area before and probably just didn't think much of it. He has complained about his lips feeling "tingly" or inflamed before but has chalked it up to eating spicy food which may very well be I suppose because he does a lot. But also has talked about having fevers, sore throats, chills, you name it, here and there over the entire duration of our relationship. But again just chalked up to something else every time like being run down from work or something.
The thing is I could not have gotten it from ANYONE ELSE this way except for him, and possibly myself through touching a sore if I had one that maybe I just thought was acne or something and then touching myself? But although possible this doesn't seem likely. That's the other thing, is I had what I am 100% certain was a cold sore maybe 5-6 years ago, both my parents get them too. I've had similar but less intense here and there since too. But somehow my blood tested negative? So either the "cold sores" I thought I had weren't and this is in fact a new infection, or for some reason my blood just didn't pick it up even though the culture did. And I've heard even with hsv2 it is possible but unlikely to contract and remain dormant for long periods of time before an presentation, but especially so for hsv1 so the first theory seems more likely. And in that case, I could not have given it to myself. And of course now I'm questioning the accuracy of the tests and terrified thinking my bfs type specific test results will come back negative somehow and I know for a fact he's not reasonable enough to consider any other possibility but I cheated on him (no reason to lie about this on a throwaway account I have been 100% faithful even in regards to kissing).
So, for anyone who does get cold sores and has been tested for hsv1, have you tested negative or positive?
Any advice or insight whatsoever into anything I mentioned I would be so appreciative.
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