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2020.09.23 19:11 herdsheep Hombrew I've Played: Subclasses Edition, Part 2(Paladin to Wizard) - An extensive list of over a hundred subclasses I've playtested, what I still allow, and a brief summary of each and my experience with it.

For Homebrew Classes, See This Post.
For Homebrew Subclasses (Part 1), See This Post with Barbarian to Monk.
So I was supposed to post this uh... 16 days ago, so I'll tell you what, you get a 16% discount off what you paid for it. That's right, 16% of $0 so I don't want to hear any complaints.
For my methodology and defense of Homebrew and why I use it, feel free to read the opening of my original posts ) where I go to greater length on the subject... don't had the word count to spare every post. Suffice to say that my experience is that the main problem that faces Homebrew is that it can be exceedingly difficult to sort through the vast selection and find stuff you might actually want to use. My groups and I have playtested hundreds of hours of the content out there, so I'm just trying to share that time and effort with you.
The purpose of this list is to give a brief outline of each thing I've playtested, and give people some guidance if they want to look further into it. I'm not telling you what to allow, just what might be worth taking a look at if it strikes your fancy. I can give a more in-depth thought on anything on the list, just feel free to ask, though I may get overwhelmed with those sort of requests in my limited reddit time and slow typing.

Balance Criteria

Note: What I think is balanced is not guaranteed to be what you think is balanced. Here is the main considerations I have (in order of importance to me):

Rules for inclusion:

Additionally, I weigh overhead against new options - I am fairly tolerant of complicated mechanics or options, but I dislike things that force saves every turn, or allow for excessive rerolling of dice, or introduce floating modifiers. These are all things that unnecessarily slow down combat, and require extra justification for their presence (which is possible, just that the bar is higher).


Subclass Creator Description Playtest Feedback I Allow Notes
Oath of Avarice COFSA GenuineBelieverer A Paladin that believes bling is justice. Balanced. It is actually pretty solid, and one of my favorite things from COFSA. I like alternative Paladin Oaths that are unique, and it's unique, and actually pretty balanced. It also does a much better job of having an adaptably flavor that is not tied to lore or strange mechanics. All around solid.
Oath of Anaracy POP BunnygeonMaster A Paladin the believes freedom of movement is a right. Balanced. It mostly just gives a lot of tools for moving about. Limitless power has a line that might break your game about ignoring creature's immunity, so you may want to play your BBEG accordingly or tweak that feature, but that's 20th level.
Oath of the Grim Hunt SethBlackwood A Paladin with a Warlock's amount of edge. Somewhat too much. d12 smites with rerolls, even as your channel divinity, is a lot in practice; we are talking a first level slot for 3d12 with rerolls vs. a Fiend or something. X I think this is probably the Paladin where I started adopting the principle to stop playtesting Paladins that have a feature that reads, essentially, "Smite harder", as that is really the last thing Paladins need in life even if it is what they end to want.
Oath of the Midnight Hour the_singular_anyone(walrock) A Paladin that stalks the night and shanks their foes. Mostly balanced. I find Shadowblade to be a bit much early on, especially due to it's fairly high chance to interact with criticals. I allow it because I want a Paladin that is like this, but I would like it better if Shadowblade wasn't as strong (or was at least harder to use). I may nerf that feature if someone wanted to play it in a campaign again.
Oath of Power POP BunnygeonMaster A Paladin that is a superhero. It is a little too meme-like for me, but mechanically balanced. X I should have been more suspecious of anything that has an anime quote, but I didn't recognize such things on first pass. Your mileage will vary based on the tone of your game.
Oath of Sanity KibblesTasty A blantantly misnamed Oath for making an insane Paladin. Balanced, if perhaps on the somewhat more specific/undertuned side. This oath bats way over par in making characters that very entertaining. It's like if a Call of Cthulu investigator found their way into D&D but still had their old insticts that everything was going to kill them.
Oath of Zeal CaelReader A Paladin that thinks Vengeance Paladins are soft on heretics. Giving Paladins more smite can be a little over the top. X I'm not sure giving up 10 points of lay on hands is overpowered, but it did feel imbalanced (as in just not in balance), in that it turned the Paladin into a very one note thing (more smites, all the time, which I believe is the intention of it). I also think Stern Gaze should probably just be intimidation, as it makes little sense for Persuasion checks.


Subclass Creator Description Playtest Feedback I Allow Notes
Beast Master (Revised) KibblesTasty Be more than just a graveyard manager for your menagrie of dead pets. A functional beastmaster. Balanced. A good balance between "your pet cannot attack" and "you have two actions" WotC has struggled a lot with pet classes, but I find it a good balance. Your pet can occasionally attack and frequently help you out.
Dragon Apprentice Ranger TheArenaGuy For when being raised by wolves just doesn't cut it. A ranger themed around emulating a dragon. Balanced, generally fits the Ranger template well, even if that template is kicking you right in the bonus actions. Some players are disappointed they don't get a dragon till 15th level. I don't use the cosmic dragons, so cannot speak to anything related to them here, but the rest should be fine.
Shooting Star ATLAS aeyana A Ranger that shoots for the stars (cosmic ranger). Balanced. It's fine, and generally obeys the Ranger rule that your bonus action will be a cluterfuck. I find their resource system (motes) sort of a pain in the ass and they generally have too much of it, but it's mostly fine.
Witch Hunter YAG Yorviing A Ranger that hunters Witches... and potentially other spell casters too. More or less balanced, but somewhat too specialized. If there aren't Witches to hunt, their feature pool is a little shallow. It's generally okay, though I may warn against it for a new player that may overestimate how many spell casting enemies they will fight (and I tend to run more than usual).
Witchguard RSquared A Ranger that fights off the Witch Hunters (above)... Bond with a spell caster and protect them. It is overpowered in a way, but I still allow it. It really comes down to how worried you are about a Ranger being somewhat too good at being a team player. It is overpowered in the sense that it is too strong when compared to what a Ranger subclass should be, but I don't find that it does it in a way that causes issues in my game. Your mileage may vary. Sort of requires buy in from another player, so a little unusual that way.


Subclass Creator Description Playtest Feedback I Allow Notes
Acrobat Mage Hand Press Tumble and leap your way to victory. As written, Parting Toss makes no sense. If it is balanced depends on how you modify that feature. RAW, Parting Toss does nothing. If you read it to mean it's a free action, it's busted. I replaced that feature entirely.
Assassin(Revised) KibblesTasty Gives assassin new ways of dealing death. Balanced. The original assassin does one thing very well, this does a few things pretty well. Some will miss the old Assassinate, but it rarely played nice with a party, and we could go weeks without getting a single use of it, while this has a good mix of solo assassination and party play.
The Brotherhood Mage Hand Press Assassin's creed rogue. Partially balanced. Death From Above has a reasonable drawback until 13th level, and there it costs your reaction, so isn't too bad. Goes from near useless to very strong depending on how much vertical space is on your battlemaps.
Divine Agent KibblesTasty The black ops wing of any organized crime religion. Balanced, perhaps a little undertuned due to how late rogue subclass features come in. A Divine Rogue that isn't a 1/3 caster, but has limited casting from their features. Would prefer a little early casting.
Ruffian Jaekbad A Rogue that fights dirty dirter than usual. Balanced. The general idea is well implemented and works well, none of the features are crazy. The rare pleasent example of something on the /UA curated list that belongs there. Quite like the idea and its a unique take on a Rogue subclass while still being archetypically a rogue. Should be noted it doesn't specialize in strength (though can technically use it) despite the name.
Surgeon KibblesTasty A walking revoked medical license. Balanced. It provides a good balance of support and rogue template features. I run the Intelligence variant, as I prefer my surgeons to be smart rather than cunning.
Shinobi Mage Hand Press The ninja rogue everyone wants to be. Balanced, their ki is pretty limited and does reasonable things for the most part. I make Kaginawa part of Cunning Action rather than a free action; your mileage will vary based on how vertical your maps tend to be.
Spidertouched COFSA GenuineBelieverer A Spider themed rogue that shoots webs and poisons things. Balanced, if a little strong in the hands of a clever player, particularly when combined with CBE. There is a semi common synergy between nets and CBE, and this sort of amplifies that. In fact, it makes nets incredibly strong in general. It also scales extremely well with haste. They are limited in their special net requiring a bonus action (which conflicts with CBE), which is sort of its saving grace.


Subclass Creator Description Playtest Feedback I Allow Notes
Ashen Lineage COFSA GenuineBelieverer The kid of an Ashen Wolf Warlock. Balanced, more or less. The first level feature is mostly useless - produce flame mostly a worse firebolt, the claws are niche. It's okay, but some players were a little frustrated that it doesn't quite seem to do what it wants to do. It is hard to effectively actually use the Born of Ember feature, as Sorcerers are not natural gishes, and if you multiclass, you'd probably to actually attack for scaling reasons... it's like the Ashen Wolf Warlock, but lacks the invocations to make it actually work.
Aether Heart KibblesTasty A Sorcerer's whose true power is that of their heart. Because it's a magical power source. Balanced, if slightly undertuned at lower levels. It is sort of metamagic specialist, which I think is a good niche for a Sorcerer subclass, but doesn't quite go far enough and I already give extra metamagic.
Deathtouched DarkArts Jonoman3000 A Sorcerer that gets the power from a connection with death Balanced, generally powerful if dim light is commonly available, but may suffer a bit if your party likes it light sources. It doesn't have a bonus spell list, so I give it one, which sort of conflicts with the 6th level feature as there's just not that many necromany spells to go around, but it works out.
Imperial Birthright IrishBandit A Sorcerer with the bluest of blood that commands things. Mostly balanced. The 18th level feature is a little much relative to other Sorcerer 18th level features. I still allow it for specail cases, but have mostly retired it to just use Noble Warlord as that's usually a better for what my players are looking for, but they are different concepts.
Nymph Bloodline Mage Hand Press An alluring Sorcerer that specializes in charming. Not even vaguely balanced. Not suitable for most games. X Almost every feature is ill advised, but bypassing immunity to charm and bypassing legendary resistance and removing the drawbacks of charm magic is a combination that is guarenteed to a derail any game. Do not recommend.
Pheonix Spark(Revised) ElementalOrigins KibblesTasty A revision of the pheonix Sorcerer, a Sorcerer all about bursting into flames. Mostly balanced, and pretty good at feeling like the theme. When I playtested it the cap on restored hit points wasn't there and it was a bit much, but I see it's been updated. I used the UA version up until switching to this reversion recently, as pheonix sorcerers are popular in my groups (all of those UA elemental sorcerers are)
Seasonal TheArenaGuy If 5e Eladrin was a Sorcerer subclass. Balanced, if perhaps somewhat undertuned overall. X It's first level feature is to give you spells, which is cool, but I already give that to all Sorcerers, so it doesn't offer them enough. Conflict of Homebrew. Summer and Spring are also almost always better than Autumn or Winter.
Sea Soul (Revised) ElementalOrigins KibblesTasty A revision of the Sea Sorcerer from UA. Balanced, though a I felt it was a bit finicky at times. I have always struggled with the theme of this one as I feel its a little too close to Storm (both in the UA and this revision) but people want to play it, so I allow it. It's fine... this is a little more polished and balanced than the UA version was, but I allowed that one previously.
Stoneheart (Revised) ElementalOrigins KibblesTasty Kibbles' version of Stone Sorcerer, a more gish like Sorcerer. Balanced. It does not make the Sorcerer suddenly a tank, but gives them an interesting playstyle I like this one a good bit more than the UA version, it's power set is a little more grounded and coherent, while still making the Sorcerer a more viable gish-like thing. Has been quite popular. I did eventually drop the UA Stone Sorcerer awhile ago, so this was a good replacement.


Subclass Creator Description Playtest Feedback I Allow Notes
The Acursed Archive COFSA GenuineBelieverer The world's evilest librarians. I had a big issue their ability to essentially planeshift 10 people into the library as an action. X I don't know if I would call it broken, but your mileage will vary. Read tainted knowledge carefully and decide how comfortable you are with that feature being abused. It's in some ways a better time stop at level 1. You and whole whole party can precast any non concentration spells you want (fire shield, mirror image, sanctuary, there's actually quite a few and trust me munchkins will find them)... and there is little hundreds more little things (non-healing potions, etc).
The Ashen Wolf COFSA GenuineBelieverer Warlock who made a pact with fire doggo. It's not really stronger than hexblade most of the time. Feels pretty geared toward Pact of the Blade though, and very invocation hungry. The 14th level feature isn't really balanced, but is also one of the few class features I've seen kill its player (and this happened in fact twice) due to the exhaustion backlash. I generally don't like features that give players more power in exchange for killing themselves. Depending on how you rule exhaustion and death, there are additional problems (if death removes all exhaustion, that can be exploited, if it doesn't, this subclass can permanently kill you).
The Archlich DarkArts Jonoman3000 A Warlock that made a deal with an Archlich. Somewhat subpar. The 1st level feature requires concentration, which will generally always be a deal breaker for a Warlock as they are so dependent on concentration. X The 6th level feature depends on the 1st level feature, which requires concentration, meaning if you use any Warlock spell like Hex or Darkness, you essentially have no subclass features until 10.
The Archmage Mage Hand Press An apprentice that's taken a massive short cut to the whole being a Wizard thing. Balanced, perhaps somewhat undertuned. Arcane Storage is better at some levels than others, but Ubreakable Spell and Spell Resistance are quite good.
The Blackthorn Grove COFSA GenuineBelieverer A warlock with an evil plant for a heart. Balanced? It's fine... the 1st level feature is niche, and the 6th level feature is strangely only really applicable to Pact of the Blade. The 6th level feature only really making sense for Pact of the Blade is sort of a problem, as generally speaking other Warlocks don't really want to hold a ranged weapon all the time (the only option that'd make sense for them to use that feature with).
The Blind Justicar COFSA GenuineBelieverer A Warlock that made a deal with a Warrior Saint to become a Paladin. I don't know what the math on the 1st level feature was supposed to be, but in my experience it doesn't really work out. X The first level feature lets you replace 2d20 with 3d12 drop the lowest, but best I can tell this makes you virtually always hit (or save, but you rarely have advantage on saves, while you usually have advantage on attacks). I'm not a deep math guy, so perhaps it was just absurd luck on the playtest, but 3d12 drop 1 does not seem like a reasonable way to roll attacks in my testing against fairly standard ACs (14-18).
The Currency Conspiracy COFSA GenuineBelieverer A typical merchant. Balanced, but more focused on social pillar and exploitation than combat. It's not necessarily suitable for all games, and depending on your intrepretation of the lore may be exclusively evil due to it's habit turning parts of people's souls into cash-money and all of its class features depending on doing so.
The Divine Beast TheArenaGuy Pact of the Beast Master More or less balanced. Due to the ability to resummon it with a pact slot, it tended to be an unlimited pool of hit points; there is a limiter based on time, but I never saw that really matter. You can fix this just by not attacking it, but your mileage will vary based on how run monster intelligence. X It is to Pact of the Chain what Hexblade is Pact of the Blade in a way that it's a subclass clearly designed for one Pact to fix that play style, and is just a little weird for other Pacts.
The Dreamer Mage Hand Press A Warlock for manipulating sleep and dreams. Has issues. Doubling the power of sleep at level 1 is truly broken. Sleep is a spell that has to fall off due to how powerful it can be. X Their School of Sonomancy Wizard does the same thing, and isn't on the list as I passed on it after trying this one. Doubling sleep's hit points at level 1-3 is ridiculous and will auto end most low level fights.
The Gelantinous Convocation COFSA GenuineBelieverer Befriend cheerful slimes. Balanced, though somewhat geared less toward combat. Their first level feature can make a murder mystery really boring, so read it before it allow it and decide if it'll work for the sort of game you run (allows you to eat a corpse and know what it knew once a day)
The Knowledge Keeper KibblesTasty A Warlock the knows everything there is to know. Your mileage may vary. Trades combat effectiveness for extreme utility. This one is very open ended, and I'm not sure I'd recommend it to anyone beside a veteran player. It's extremely flexible, but kept largely in check by Warlocks very limited slots.
The Lady of the Lake Xenoezen A Warlock that got their power from some aquatic ceremony with a watery tart. Mostly Balanced. It's generally balanced on its own. It is generally more balanced than Hexblade when it comes to Paladin multiclassing with it, though with less thematic dissonance. But if you don't allow Hexblade, don't allow this.
The Nebula ATLAS aeyana A very sparkly Warlock. Shimmering Cloud has an strange interaction with Armor of Agathys that is somewhere between nonfunctional and problematic. X You may read Armor of Agathys differnetly than I do and not count attacks that hit the Shimmer Cloud as proc'ing its damage, in which case you might be fine, but this is a lot if you don't (imagine a 3rd level AoA; each hit deals 15 to the attacker, but they have to deal 30 damage to break the shield, taking 15 damage each time they hit you); note them hitting the cloud procing AoA is probably not RAW though how I've always run abilities like that, so your mileage may vary.
The Saint Yorviing A Warlock blessed by a saint-like figure. Balanced. It's fine, though depends on how you do short rests you may be wary of Prayer of Healing on the Warlock list. The PDF is not the easiest thing to read, though that might just be an issue on my side due its non-standard formatting.
The Tempest KibblesTasty A Warlock that builds a storm around them. Balanced, though deals substantial mini-area of effect damage, making it highly effective sometimes. I like how the storm building mechanic extends the Warlocks effective power by making something out of it's limited uses of Pact Magic and giving it a bit more utility.
The Wild Hunt COFSA GenuineBelieverer The Warlock who made a pact with the bad guys from the Witcher Not balanced. Like many COFSA Warlocks it really depends on how you build it, but it gives a combination of things that can be really annoying to deal with, though seems pretty focused on Pact of the Blade. X Slayer's Armory is a little crazy as it makes Hunter's Mark add 2d6 damage, which when combined with a high hit-high attack build (like CBE) deals fairly ridiculous damage, and with Find Steed you can manipulate the hell out of range making them very difficult to deal with. Slayer's Armory technically does not scale with magic weapons, but that's not a great solution.


Subclass Creator Description Playtest Feedback I Allow Notes
Generalist YAG Yorviing A Wizard that majored in GEs at Wizard school. More balanced than most generalist Wizards. It's no loremaster. I find Regenerative reservoir a bit much over the course of a day given how useful 1st level spell slots are, and how very powerful this is as you get later in the game, but this is largely a side effect of long adventuring days, so your mileage may vary.
School of Arithmetick Mage Hand Press A Wizard that's based on being good at math... ...but requires a DM bad at math to allow it. No comment and lesson learned. Not particulary balanced. X This whole subclass is pretty nonstandard. Accrual alone would disqualify from consideration for most people. As to what is broken, it's mostly using stats with Factorize, as a whole group of monsters will have the same value for a stat, and savvy player will know what that stat is often allowing somewhat absurd things.
School of Astronomy ATLAS aeyana A Wizard that's power comes from the alignment of the stars. Balanced, while the stars give you some flexibility (and some early damage) it's not generally too much. I read Spell Stars as that you still have to be able to see the target and you cannot see through the spell stars, so you still need line of sight. If you make different assumptions, balance might be different.
School of Blue Magic YAG Yorviing A Wizard based around stealing and copying their enemies spells. It's more or less balance, but completely dependent on your party and what you fight. X I don't have any real objection to it, but players generally didn't think it was what they thought of as a Blue Mage, but I don't really know enough the source material of the idea to comment there.
School of Hemomancy DarkArts Jonoman3000 A Wizard that specializes in the blood magic provided by the supplement. More or less balanced itself, but depends on the Hemomancy spell list, so your mileage may vary there. X I used it while I used those spells, but as I no longer use those spells, this wouldn't really work out as it's completely tied to those spells.
School of Innovation KibblesTasty A Wizard that lets you make your own spells. It's a good effort at balancing a ridiculous idea. X It's a good bit of fun, and I think could be used, but as with anything this open ended, some user caution is recommended. I do use it as a template for player created spells though.
School of Pathology KibblesTasty A current events Wizard. Somewhere between a plague doctor and a plague maker Mostly balanced. It will somewhat depend on the power and frequently of diseases in your game for their 14th level feature, but wasn't an issue for me. I am not personally a big fan of the spell contagion, I like the spell in principle, but it's in an awkward spot of being effectively "save three times or die". That's a gripe with the spell though, not this subclass.

Honorable Mentions

Compendiums & Sources

I've added a brief tag for how much content from compendiums I use for clarity. Limited generally means I don't use the spells or additional options, and may exclude up to half the character options. Most means I tend to use most of it. Some means I use less than limited, and it's usually case by case basis.
Please don't construe anything I say as saying that anything isn't worth anyone's time. Not all stuff works for me, but if it is on this list, I at least read it and thought it had some merit, and it probably would work fine for someone's game, even if it may have some balance issues. My balance issues might now by your (or the creator's) balance issues, you might just not care about balance issues. This is just my list that I am sharing because it might help people sort through the sea of stuff out there, and particularly if they find my balance criteria similar to theirs be extremely helpful.
*Ranger Footnote: I currently use the UA Class Variants Ranger with some exceptions. I use the Beastmaster from above, and I require the replacement options are taken in order (i.e. Tireless cannot be taken at level 1 for obvious reasons).
*Sorcerer Footnote: As discussed in my Classes post, I partially use the Sorcerer, Tweaked, but as I don't actually use most of those subclasses, I might be better to say I use the Sorcerer with Expanded Spell Lists, an extra metamagic, and no need for an arcane focus.

Next Steps

What would you like to see next in Homebrew I've Played? Races? Feats? Mechanics? Leave your suggestion and vote below if you'd like to see another part to the series with what you'd like to see, and if you'd like to be notified when the next part goes up.
I also have some updates on my classes post, so I may like do a list up every six months or year or so if people are interesting in that. I have gotten a lot of new subclasses since I started posting these as well, so there will be quite a bit of new stuff playtested in the future.
submitted by herdsheep to dndnext [link] [comments]

2020.09.22 16:28 Torisaursky I wanted to capture a wholesome moment from the most recent Meme Time so have a smiling Irish lad :D

I wanted to capture a wholesome moment from the most recent Meme Time so have a smiling Irish lad :D submitted by Torisaursky to jacksepticeye [link] [comments]

2020.09.21 22:30 Nave-Enaur Making an Irish History meme every day (Day 6)

Making an Irish History meme every day (Day 6) submitted by Nave-Enaur to HistoryMemes [link] [comments]

2020.09.21 16:00 Angel466 [Bob the hobo] A Celestial Wars Spin-Off Part 0167

Angelo had never been a religious man. In his old neighbourhood, religious belief was like the Irish’s Catholic/Protestant line. Everyone was poor, and while most of the worn-down apartments had some manner of Crucifix or Virgin Mary displayed somewhere prominent, he always thought if he ever met God, he’d punch him in the nose for allowing people to live in such poverty.
His nonna believed in him, but she’d been old. She always used to say God had a plan, and it took everything Angelo and his two older brothers had to not roll their eyes at her. Mainly because like them, Nonna was Italian, and she could still bring the three of them into line with a look. Their mother was a crackhead who paid for her fixes on her back and knees right up until the day she died.
Angelo had been two when that happened.
And in that regard, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree where he was concerned. Not so with his brothers. Rocco was the oldest. Built like a linebacker, he was the one that kept the ugliness of the street away from their front door. There was fourteen years difference between him and Rocco, so as a kid, he hadn’t realised the reason he seemed to have an invisible barrier around him where trouble was concerned, was because his big brother had made a name for himself on the street as a professional leg-breaker (amongst other things). One who believed very much in killing the messenger.
Angelo had been nine when Rocco was finally put away for six counts of murder in the first degree. Twenty-five to life for each to be served consecutively because he refused to drop the dime on his boss. “Don’t ever be a rat, Angie,” Rocco had always said, whenever Nonna took Angelo to visit him in Attica. “Your name is all you had coming into this world, and it’s all you’ll have going out.”
Guess I should’ve listened, he mused to himself.
His name had been stripped from him in the last year. He went from being someone to being a common household appliance.
Gianni was seventeen when Rocco went away and died six months later trying to fill Rocco’s shoes. He was found in an alleyway with his throat slit, and no one gave a damn. No one, except him and Nonna. ( ... and Rocco. Word was, he went on a murderous rampage that got him locked in solitary confinement and another four years added to his a hundred and fifty year sentence.)
Nonna held it together for Angelo. He knew it, but he also knew he couldn’t stay in that neighbourhood. At first, he begged his grandmother to move into another suburb where they could start over, but she had adamantly refused. “My Dante, Gianni and Carina are all buried here, Angelo. If I leave, I will not be able to visit them every day, and they will get lonely.”
As it so happened (and Angelo still carried a lot of guilt over this) Nonna never lived to see the Christmas after he left home. They said she had a heart attack, but to this day, Angelo believed it was more from a broken heart. She’d had no one left in the world but him, and he’d moved away.
After burying her alongside Nonno, Angelo only came to their graves on New Year’s Eve. Every year. He’d sit at the foot of his mother's grave where he could see Nonna and Gianni's gravestones and tell them both about what he’d been up to that year. As he spoke, he would toast to all their memories over a full bottle of amaretto. (For the ladies, he’d bring flowers. His brother would be given his share of the amaretto directly from the bottle.) Then, to wipe the slate clean, he would go out and tie one on for New Years and start the cycle again at the end of the following year. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat.
All except last year. Last year, he’d been working for Tony, and he didn’t get time off. Which in a way, was a blessing. He didn’t want to face the ghosts of his family after what he’d become.
Now, it looked like he was on his way to meet them anyway.
He knew what the tunnel of light represented. He was Italian. Of course, he knew. If anything, he was surprised to be heading in this direction. Not that he’d broken any of the ten commandments (that he knew of), but his lifestyle even before his enslavement hadn’t exactly been sterling.
As the light grew closer, he heard their harmonised voices. The light was too bright to see through, but he heard their welcoming tones.
Then, he drew slowly to a halt. The light didn’t fade, nor did it get any closer. “You are loved.” The masculine voice washed over him, somehow cocooning him in the strength of his words like a comforter. “However My Nephew still needs you, my son.”
And just like that, the tunnel, the light and all the voices vanished, and Angelo was thrust back into a world of pain.
He couldn’t breathe. It hurt to try. Like his lungs were on fire, but filling up with water at the same time. Someone was wiping his face with something cold and wet, and just when he didn’t think he could fight anymore, his lungs spasmed as if punched and another mouthful of fluids rushed to the back of his throat and poured out of his open mouth. Someone had their hand pressed into his forehead, holding his head at an uncomfortable angle, but somehow it made the fluid fall more easily from his lips.
“That’s it, buddy,” he heard Robbie say. “Get that spit out of your lungs.”
“Here,” he heard Lucas add, and the wet cloth was gently reapplied to his face. “My God, man. Look at me,” he commanded, still wiping the cloth around Angelo’s face.
I can’t! I can’t see!
“Don’t you let them win, Angie! You hang on!”
Another shiver. Another cough. Another mouthful of fluid fell out of his mouth. “Stay with us, man.”
I don’t think I have a choice, Angelo thought weakly.
The next few minutes were a blur as new voices sounded around him. Someone requested the fire brigade, which made him want to laugh. Was the building on fire on top of everything else? He saw a meme once of a town being flooded except for one house that was fully ablaze, with the caption, “Proof that things can always get worse”. Lately, that had been his motto, even though he couldn’t picture how.
Still on his side, he felt something slide between his teeth and bump against his throat, but his gag-reflex hadn’t existed in years and if anything, the pulsed suction that followed felt weird. Like he was throwing up … from his lungs.
In the gaps between the suction, he felt the cold touch of oxygen, that his lungs scrambled to get more of. From behind, he heard a ripping sound and his back suddenly goosebumped at the cold bite of air-conditioned air that went on to include his arms.
At first, he wanted to be annoyed about the destruction of his sweatshirt, until he remembered they belonged to the hospital and that he’d helped himself to it after escaping his room. Oh, shit! Did that constitute stealing? It did. It so did. But he did that before going into the light tunnel, so maybe that meant it didn’t count?
As he pondered this, he felt someone pushing something small and sticky against his chest. Then another … and another. All while the suction in his throat continued. By the end of it, he thought he felt at least half a dozen tiny things sticking to his chest, and even more on his arms and feet. And that didn’t count the two bigger ones the size of his palms. He was beginning to feel like a damned sticky noticeboard.
He didn’t even flinch as the large bore needle slid into his left arm and something forced its way into his veins. If anything, he wanted to mock them for using an alcohol swab first. Prissies, he wanted to say. No self-respecting drug addict used swabs before shooting up.
Only, he wasn’t a drug addict anymore. The weeks he’d been at the hospital had emptied most of his system, and no one seemed in a hurry to give him more. Not even sedatives. Lucas had tried to stop the doc from administering the sedative in case it worked against anything residual in his system, but the doc had over-ridden him and given him the shot.
Maybe Lucas should be a doctor. Maybe in a former life, he was.
Angelo had no interest in getting back onto the shit Tony had him on. God, no. That stuff was too much, even for him. But once this was all over, he was pretty sure he could handle the lesser stuff that he’d been on in his days before Tony. Things like special k or dust or maybe even a little bit of cotton candy from time to time if he was having enough fun.
Maybe he should see this as a giant fucking wakeup call and walk away from that life for good. That would certainly please Robbie, but taking fun by the horns and running with it as hard as he could was all he’d ever done since he left high school. Even before Tony, he’d used sex to pay for his partying lifestyle. He knew he wasn’t a ripped pretty boy like Robbie, but he could hold his own in a lineup, and the money was good.
Something else flooded his vein, which slowed the heavy pounding of his heart and brought his whole body into a state of relaxation. Dang … now that stuff I could use by the truckload, he thought hazily to himself.
He was then rolled onto his back. However, he didn’t feel the soft mattress roll that he’d been lying on. No, this was hard. Really hard. And it suddenly dawned on him that he still couldn’t see. Everything had different depths ranging from red to black, no matter where he looked.
The suction tube was pulled back into the mouth and a larger, breathing tube inserted. “He has no gag reflex,” he heard Robbie say, and he almost wanted to puff his chest in pride.
Damn right, I don’t.
He felt himself being lifted and carried feet first from the room.
“We’ll be right behind you, buddy!” he heard Robbie call.
Instead of calming him, that actually had him panicking. Where am I going that Robbie can’t come with me?
But he just couldn’t make himself move to find out.
He heard people barking orders and thought maybe he caught a glimpse of a bright light here and there through the red. For a few seconds, he thought he tasted the glorious smoggy air of New York City, and then he was enclosed in a small space that had a pair of doors banging around his feet.
Then the sirens started up. Oh, no…
The last place he ever wanted to go back to.
The hospital.
Well … crap.
* * *


((AUTHOR'S NOTE: I reached out to a fantastically wonderful person for details on how EMTs would handle this scene, and in what order things would happen. Many, many, MANY huge thanks to that anonymous NREMT for giving me the information I needed to make this as realistic as it was))
Previous Part 166
((All comments welcome))
I made a family tree/diagram of the Mystallian family that can be found here
For more of my work including previous parts or WPs: Angel466 or indexed here
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2020.09.20 22:39 Nave-Enaur Making an Irish History meme every day (Day 5)

Making an Irish History meme every day (Day 5) submitted by Nave-Enaur to HistoryMemes [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 10:39 wouldiwas-shookspear What's going on with among us?

The game came out a few years ago and there weren't many videos made about it.
As of recently it seems like almost everyone is making a video on it. Also every video title has something to do with IQ. Many youtuber have been collaborating in it such as vannos crew, peguiz0, pewdipies crew, the Irish lads, spiffing brit, jaiden, granday, plumbella. These were some unlikely collaborations. Also the memes came out of nowhere (I think).
Evidence summarized:
-tons of videos made
-every title includes "IQ"
-unlikely collaboration
-new memes
-sale on steam
My question is now: is among us running a massive sponsorship?
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2020.09.19 23:21 Nave-Enaur Making an Irish History meme every day (Day 4)

Making an Irish History meme every day (Day 4) submitted by Nave-Enaur to HistoryMemes [link] [comments]

2020.09.19 18:23 LordOfChickenPuffs For the boys, hope you guys relate:

*to the tune of "what shall we do with a drunken sailor"*
What will we do with a raging boner? What will we do with a raging boner? What will we do with a raging boner? Early in the morning
Way hay and up she rises Way hay and up she rises Way hay and up she rises Early in the morning

catch his folly with a crusty blazer catch his folly with a crusty blazer catch his folly with a crusty blazer Early in the morning
Way hay and up she rises Way hay and up she rises Way hay and up she rises Early in the morning
Put him through a long wait 'til it's over Put him through a long wait 'til it's over Put him through a long wait 'til it's over Early in the morning
Way hay and up she rises Way hay and up she rises Way hay and up she rises Early in the morning
Stick him in the fleshlight with a rubber on him Stick him in the fleshlight with a rubber on him Stick him in the fleshlight with a rubber on him Early in the morning
Way hay and up she rises Way hay and up she rises Way hay and up she rises Early in the morning
don't put him in the bed with the captain's daughter don't put him in the bed with the captain's daughter don't put him in the bed with the captain's daughter Early in the morning
Way hay and up she rises Way hay and up she rises Way hay and up she rises Early in the morning
That's what we do with a raging boner That's what we do with a raging boner That's what we do with a raging boner
Early in the morning
Way hay and up she rises Way hay and up she rises Way hay and up she rises Early in the morning Way hay and up she rises Way hay and up she rises Way hay and up she rises Early in the morning
Song: Parody (done by me) of what shall we do with a drunken sailor (irish rovers)
The original song is: what shall we do with a drunken sailor (aka 1700's sea shanties meme theme) by the irish rovers.
Thanks, fellow brothers for the gilding.
submitted by LordOfChickenPuffs to teenagers [link] [comments]

2020.09.19 17:19 Frontpage-Watch [#20+35195277] The Irish president used to always have his dog by his side [/r/memes]

submitted by Frontpage-Watch to undelete [link] [comments]

2020.09.19 15:08 lyonsy1 [r/memes] The Irish president used to always have his dog by his side

[memes] The Irish president used to always have his dog by his side submitted by lyonsy1 to IrelandonReddit [link] [comments]

2020.09.19 00:28 Nave-Enaur Making an Irish History meme every day (Day 3)

Making an Irish History meme every day (Day 3) submitted by Nave-Enaur to HistoryMemes [link] [comments]

2020.09.17 20:26 Nave-Enaur Making an Irish History meme every day (Day 2)

Making an Irish History meme every day (Day 2) submitted by Nave-Enaur to HistoryMemes [link] [comments]

2020.09.17 11:18 IdolA17Sep1l Inc-est Thre-eso-me Reddit Po-rn

Inc-est Thre-eso-me Reddit Po-rn
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2020.09.17 01:00 CFB_Referee Weekly ACC Discussion Thread

This is the weekly ACC Thread. Talk about anything related to ACC Football!

Syracuse (0-1) @ #25 Pitt (1-0) - 12pm (ACCN)

Boston College (0-0) @ Duke (0-1) - 12pm (Regional Networks)

USF (1-0) @ #7 Notre Dame (1-0) - 2:30pm (USA)

Charlotte (0-1) @ #12 UNC (1-0) - 3:30pm (Regional Networks)

#14 UCF (0-0) @ Georgia Tech (1-0) - 3:30pm (ESPN)

Citadel (0-1) @ #1 Clemson (1-0) - 4pm (ACCN)

#17 Miami (1-0) @ #18 Louisville (1-0) - 7:30pm (ABC)

Wake Forest (0-1) @ NC State (0-0) - 8pm (ACCN)

Off this week:

Thank you to our host, Piyachi, for putting this together!
submitted by CFB_Referee to CFB [link] [comments]

2020.09.16 20:55 removalbot 09-16 18:55 - 'Challenge Accepted: I drew Lofi Girl, Irish Version' ( by /u/nationalist_gael removed from /r/europe within 5-15min - reason: Low quality/low effort/meme

Challenge Accepted: I drew Lofi Girl, Irish Version
Go1dfish undelete link
unreddit undelete link
Author: nationalist_gael
submitted by removalbot to removalbot [link] [comments]

2020.09.16 20:11 Nave-Enaur Making an Irish History meme every day (Day 1)

Making an Irish History meme every day (Day 1) submitted by Nave-Enaur to HistoryMemes [link] [comments]

2020.09.15 23:55 Untitled_Redditor12 I have a second announcement

I do not make this decision lightly . But until you can provide this subreddit with a high quality , funny meme that actually takes time to make and edit u/irish_goomba. Your title of successor to the memer legacy has been revoked . Please prove me wrong in my decision and show us some quality memes . Or all we can do is hope for a second coming of u/SPARTAN-258.
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2020.09.15 17:31 Podball11 Disappointing how the only Irish memes on this sub are of the Great Famine

Disappointing how the only Irish memes on this sub are of the Great Famine submitted by Podball11 to HistoryMemes [link] [comments]

2020.09.15 01:33 MightySilverWolf Unusual Batting Feats


Brian Lara's 400*. Don Bradman averaging 99.94. Sachin Tendulkar scoring 15,921 Test runs. Chris Martin scoring 12*. The batsmen who achieved these Herculean feats have all gone down in cricket history. However, these are not the only batting performances which exist. There are multiple cases in which a batsman has achieved something unusual, or even at times truly unique, yet they do not get recognition. This post is dedicated to all those batsmen who have managed to achieve what few others have achieved, regardless of whether those achievements are good or bad.


There are ten methods of dismissal (formerly eleven) in cricket, but of these, only five can be considered 'normal': Bowled, caught, LBW, stumped and run out. One could also make a case for hit wicket, and it's common enough that I don't think it counts as being truly unusual. What about the other five, then? Has any batsman in international cricket been dismissed through any of those methods? Thankfully, Wikipedia has a list which I highly advise you to check out, so I'll just be summarising in this section.
First, there's obstructing the field. Only one batsman has ever been dismissed obstructing the field in Tests, and that batsman is Len Hutton against South Africa in 1951. After striking the ball, he noticed that it was about to land onto his stumps and thus bowl him, so he used his bat to strike the ball a second time and protect his stumps. This is actually a legal manoeuvre for a batsman provided that it doesn't prevent a fielder from taking a catch; unfortunately for Hutton, there was a fielder nearby who was ready to take a catch, so he became the first (and so far only) batsman in Test history to be dismissed obstructing the field.
Interestingly enough, there have been seven instances in ODIs of batsmen being given out obstructing the field. In all of those cases, the batsman in question obstructed throws from fielders in order to avoid being run out, in contrast to Hutton who obstructed a catch in order to avoid being caught. In three of those cases, the batsman used his bat or his body to deflect the ball away from the stumps while out of his crease, and in three other cases, the batsman changed his direction of movement while running in order to block the ball. Ben Stokes was out obstructing the field in the most unusual way, however, when he pulled a Maradona and used his hand to prevent the ball from hitting the stumps in a 2015 ODI against Australia.
There have been two instances of a batsman being dismissed obstructing the field in T20Is. Jason Roy was given out in a 2017 T20I against South Africa for changing his direction of movement while running, and Maldivian cricketer Hassan Rasheed was given out obstructing the field in 2019 for...I don't know, actually. It's pretty hard to find articles on bilateral T20Is between the Maldives and Qatar. If there's anyone here who is an expert on Maldivian or Qatari cricket then I'd appreciate finding out more about this incident.
As for handling the ball, this has happened ten times in international cricket (seven times in Tests and three times in ODIs). In 2013, the Laws were changed so that only the striker could be given out handling the ball and even then only before he had finished playing his stroke (strikers handling the ball after the completion of his stroke, and non-strikers handling the ball at any time, would be given out obstructing the field). In 2017, this method of dismissal was removed entirely and instead came under obstructing the field.
I won't go through all the players, but I will pick out some particular highlights. South Africa's Russell Endean was the first batsman in international cricket to be dismissed handled the ball in 1957 when he used his free hand to knock the ball away from the stumps, but according to a later interview, he actually wanted to head the ball away at first; I don't know whether that's actually against the Laws, but given that they didn't wear helmets back then, I can't imagine that it would have ended well. Michael Vaughan was the last player to be dismissed in this manner in Tests back in 2001, and Zimbabwe's Chamu Chibhaba holds the distinction of being the last cricketer to be dismissed handled the ball in international cricket after he was given out for handling the ball in an ODI against Afghanistan in 2015.
This post is about unusual feats, however, and when it comes to being given out handled the ball, there is none more unusual than the story of Australia's Andrew Hilditch. In a Test match against Pakistan in 1979, following a wayward throw from a fielder, Hilditch (who was at the non-striker's end) decided to return the ball to the bowler. It's actually against the Laws for a batsman to return the ball to a fielder without that fielder's permission, and controversially, the bowler (Sarfraz Nawaz) decided to appeal, which led to Hilditch's dismissal. This would be the only instance in international cricket of a non-striker being given out handled the ball, so Hilditch takes the biscuit when it comes to this unusual method of dismissal.
Retirement is rather unusual in that depending on the situation, the batsman can be considered out or not out. Generally, retirement occurs due to injury, in which case the batsman is considered 'retired hurt' and is entitled to return to the crease upon the fall of a wicket or upon another batsman's retirement. This situation is not at all unusual. What is unusual, though, is a batsman retiring for reasons other than injury, and unless there is some other acceptable reason for their absence (which I'll talk about shortly), the fielding side has the right to prevent them from returning to the crease, in which case they are retired out.
This has only occurred three times in international cricket. In a Test between Bangladesh and Sri Lanka in 2001, in which Sri Lanka demolished the then-new Test nation of Bangladesh, the Sri Lankan captain (Sanath Jayasuriya) retired Marvan Atapattu after he scored his double-century, and later in the same innings, retired Mahela Jayawardene after he smashed 150(115). Obviously, this move was criticised by some for breaching the spirit of the game, and these are the only two instances of batsmen being retired out in Test cricket. The other such instance in international cricket is when Bhutan's Sonam Tobgay was retired out in a 2019 T20I against the Maldives (something about the Maldives and unusual dismissals for some reason), but I can't find any further details of the incident.
Now, this post is generally meant to be a light-hearted celebration of unusual batting achievements, but this next story is rather more sombre. In a 1983 Test between the West Indies and India, Gordon Greenidge was on 154* in the West Indies' first innings when he received news that his daughter was dying; he retired in order to be able to visit her, and she sadly passed away two days later. Although Greenidge had not been injured, he was given as 'retired not out' due to the tragic circumstances. To this day, this is the only instance in international cricket of a batsman being given retired not out.
Hit the ball twice and timed out are perhaps the most unusual dismissals of all in the sense that no batsman has ever been given out for those reasons in international cricket (not yet, anyway; there's a first time for everything). There was one instance, however, in which a batsman could have been timed out in Test cricket, but ultimately wasn't.
The Law states that a batsman must be at the crease within three minutes, else they can be timed out. In a 2007 Test between India and South Africa, Sachin Tendulkar was due to come in at #4. However, he had temporarily been off the field during South Africa's innings, and he still had unserved penalty time when two Indian wickets quickly fell, meaning that he couldn't bat at #4. As a result, India, who were confused by the whole ordeal, didn't send out a batsman for six minutes until Sourav Ganguly finally arrived at #4. Both the umpires and South Africa's captain, Graeme Smith, agreed that an appeal would be against the spirit of the game, but had Smith appealed, this would have been the only instance in international cricket of a batsman being timed out.

The Best Since Bradman

It's common knowledge among cricket fans that Don Bradman holds the record for the highest Test batting average, at 99.94. However, this isn't strictly speaking true. It is correct to say that Bradman has the highest average among batsmen who have played a minimum of twenty innings, but among all batsmen, Bradman only comes in at a measly third (what a fraud). Who are ahead of him, then?
Firstly, let us dispel with the notion that a batsman who is never dismissed has an infinite average. That is not true. A batsman who is never dismissed has an undefined average, since it is impossible to have a batting average without any dismissals. Pakistani off-spinner Afaq Hussain holds the record for the most Test runs scored without being dismissed, having scored 65 runs in four innings.
Looking at batsmen who have been dismissed, however, we come across West Indian wicketkeeper Andy Ganteaume in second place. The poor lad struggled to get into the Test team because of his slow scoring rate in tour matches, but an injury to Jeff Stollmeyer forced the selectors to play him against England. In his only Test innings in 1948, Ganteaume hit 112 but was criticised (once again) for scoring too slowly and was subsequently dropped; he would never play another Test match. Still, he can lay legitimate claim to having a higher Test batting average than Bradman, which only one other batsman has achieved.
Who's the best since Bradman, then? With a minimum cut-off of twenty innings, we have Adam Voges, Steve Smith and Marnus Labuschagne, all Australian, two of them still active international cricketers. As is tradition at this point, the batsman with the highest Test batting average of all time is an active Australian cricketer, Kurtis Patterson to be precise. He forced himself into the team after scoring twin centuries in a tour match and although he only scored 30 in his first innings, he scored 114* in his second to end up with an average of 144.
Australian fans go crazy over Smith and Labuschagne, declaring them to be the best since Bradman. Little do they realise that they have in their ranks a batsman who is not only statistically better than Bradman but who is also statistically better than the GOAT Test batsman Andy Ganteaume.
How about ODIs, though? Who has the highest ODI batting average of all time? I'll give you a hint: He's a Dutch player. No, it's not Ryan ten Doeschate; it is, in fact, Max O'Dowd. He scored 86* in his first innings followed by a score of 59 in his second innings to end up with an average of 145. South African Irish cricketer Curtis Campher comes in at second with an average of 127.
Who has scored the most runs in ODIs without being dismissed, though? Well, let me ask you a different question: Who is England's greatest ever ODI player? If you said Jos Buttler then you'd be wrong. By law, anything that Buttler can do, Foakes can do better, and Ben Foakes does in fact hold the record for the most runs in ODIs without being dismissed, having scored 61* in his only ODI innings. Buttler would never.
In T20Is, the greatest ever batsman is someone who you probably haven't even heard of. Chris Gayle calls himself 'Universe Boss', but the true Universe Boss is surely the guy who averages 126 in T20Is. Enter Portugal's Najjam Shahzad, who scored 27* in his first innings, 46 in his second and 53* in his third. Not only does he have the highest T20I average of all time but he's also improving with every innings, so it won't be long until Portugal becomes a powerhouse in T20I cricket thanks to megadaddy hundreds from Universe Boss Najjam Shahzad.
If Shahzad is the Universe Boss, however, then Saudi Arabia's Mohammad Adnan is the Multiverse Boss. He holds the record for the most runs in T20Is without being dismissed, scoring 14*, 38* and 8* in his three innings. Not only that, but he has a career strike rate of 193.54, so he doesn't waste time. Give this man an IPL contract already.

Duck, Duck, Goose

Ducks and golden ducks are not unusual in and of themselves. That doesn't mean that scoring a duck or golden duck can't still be unusual feats, however; it all depends on how those ducks or golden ducks come about.
You might be aware that New Zealand's Geoff Allott holds the record for the most balls faced for a duck in Tests, having faced 77 balls against South Africa in 1999 (he also holds the record for the longest duck, having batted for a whopping 101 minutes). What about the other formats, though? The late West Indian batsman Runako Morton holds the record for most balls faced for a duck in ODIs, having scored 0(31) against Australia in 2006 (unsurprisingly, the West Indies lost that match). Morton took 56 minutes for his duck, which is also an ODI record.
T20Is are where it gets juicy, however. Canada's Sandeep Jyoti holds the record for most balls faced for a duck in T20Is, scoring 0(12) against Zimbabwe in 2008 (it was a close match, though, as Canada only lost by 109 runs). In terms of minutes batted, however, Zimbabwe's Brendan Taylor holds that record, having batted for 19 minutes in a T20I against South Africa in 2010 for a five-ball duck; Jyoti, by comparison, batted for 15 minutes.
The record for most balls faced for a golden duck By definition, golden ducks involve the batsman facing exactly one ball. However, who took the longest time for their golden duck?
In Tests, that accolade belongs to Bangladesh's Nazmul Hossain, who spent 14 minutes at the crease against India in a 2004 match before being run out for a golden duck. England fans were probably waiting in anticipation for a superb knock from the #3 batsman, Martyn Moxon, when they were 47-1 against Australia in a 1985 ODI, but after 19 minutes of tension, Moxon was dismissed LBW off his first ball. In a 2015 T20I between England and Pakistan, Pakistani opener Rafatullah Mohmand somehow conspired to spend 17 minutes at the crease before being dismissed LBW in the third over for a golden duck; amazingly, he was only two minutes away from equalling the record for the longest duck in T20Is!
What if a batsman just doesn't feel like scoring runs, though, and ends on 0*? Obviously, batsmen can end on something like 0*(0) or 0*(1) or 0*(5), and that wouldn't be too unusual. The truly remarkable feats are when a batsman plays a marathon innings and yet still finishes on 0*. Some of these players put Geoffrey Boycott to shame.
Firstly, let's consider Tests. In 1968, England scored 351/7d in the first innings and bowled Australia out for 78, forcing them to follow on. Cricinfo states that Paul Sheahan 'never completely mastered the art of crease occupation', which is a bizarre claim to make about a player who faced 44 balls in Australia's second innings without scoring a run, thus not only securing the draw but also setting a record which remains unbroken to this day. His marathon innings took 52 minutes, which is a joint record along with New Zealand bowler Danny Morrison's 0*(30) against South Africa in 1995.
Fun fact: Had Jack Leach not scored that single at Headingley while still remaining not out, he would have broken this record having batted for 60 minutes, yet assuming that he completed his final over, he would have only faced 20 balls (fewer than half the balls Paul Sheahan faced). I think this demonstrates just how effective Stokes was at farming the strike.
Moving on to ODIs, Zimbabwean #11 batsman Chris Mpofu (who averages 2.85 with the bat) holds the record here, having scored 0*(20) in a tenth-wicket partnership of 12(38) against Bangladesh in 2006. His partner was the #10 batsman (and Zimbabwe's captain) Prosper Utseya, who certainly didn't prosper with his 21(42), thus stranding Mpofu 80 balls short of his dentury. Who holds the record for the longest 0*, though?
Picture the scene. It's March 2019 and Sri Lanka is struggling in an ODI against South Africa. It's the first innings and Lasith Malinga has been run out for a duck, leaving Sri Lanka on 131/9 after just 33.4 overs. Everyone knows about Kusal Perera's incredible 153* earlier that year, but what happened next, while not nearly as impressive, was nonetheless incredible. #9 batsman Isuru Udana and #11 batsman Kasun Rajitha put on a tenth-wicket stand of 58 runs from just 34 balls. Udana ends on 78(57). Rajitha ends on 0*(9), having batted for exactly half an hour. South Africa still won comfortably, but Rajitha's immense innings saw him enter the history books as having scored the longest 0* in ODI history. Udana's innings was alright as well.
Finally, in T20Is, the record for the most balls faced for a 0* is held by Bermuda's Rodney Trott, who scored 0*(7) against the Netherlands in 2019. Cricinfo doesn't know how long it took, however. For that, we have to look towards India's Yuzvendra Chahal, who took 15 minutes for his 0*(4) against Australia in 2019. Solid contribution from him.
All these feats are just in one innings, though. Some batsmen go above and beyond that and spend their entire career not scoring runs (either that or they don't know what a batsman's main job is). Two Sri Lankan players (Ishara Amerasinghe and Dinuka Hettiarachchi) hold the joint record for most balls faced in Tests without scoring a single run, both having faced 25 balls. In fact, the entire top four is made up of Sri Lankans; clearly, a significant proportion of Sri Lankan cricketers view run-scoring as optional. Hettiarachchi (who Cricinfo reckons is an all-rounder despite an FC batting average of 9.55) beats out everyone when it comes to minutes batted, though, having batted for 39 minutes in Tests without scoring a single run.
Bangladesh's Harunur Rashid holds the record for most balls faced in ODIs without scoring a run, having faced 17 in total. However, we have to look to our old friend Rajitha to find the player who's batted the most minutes in ODIs without scoring a run; he has batted at least 32 minutes, almost all of which comes from his partnership with Udana. Portugal's Sukhwinder Singh has faced nine balls in T20Is without scoring a run, which is the record, but Shaheen Shah Afridi and Mathew Sinclair both hold the joint-record for having batted seven minutes in T20Is without scoring a run.

Diamond Ducks Are Forever

Ducks and golden ducks aren't too unusual for the most part, but diamond ducks (in which a batsman is dismissed without facing a single ball) are. Think of what needs to happen for a diamond duck to occur. The player can't be a striker for obvious reasons, so bowled, caught, LBW, stumped, hit wicket and hit the ball twice (all of which can only apply to the striker) are out of play. Timed out is out of play as soon as a batsman enters the crease. This leaves just three possible dismissals for a diamond duck: Run out, obstructing the field and retired out. The latter two almost never happen, so diamond ducks almost always occur due to run-outs.
There have been 153 diamond ducks in ODIs and 53 diamond ducks in T20Is, so in those formats, diamond ducks aren't that unusual. This makes sense, of course, as run-outs are more likely to occur in those formats. Tests are where diamond ducks count as an unusual batting feat, as there have been in the history of Tests only 29 diamond ducks that we know of. Chris Martin holds the unfortunate distinction of being the only cricketer in the history of Tests to be dismissed for a diamond duck twice (one of which came in his final Test innings, which is a perfect summation of his batting career).
Most of these diamond ducks have of course come through run-outs, but there have been seven international diamond ducks (three in ODIs and four in T20Is) which have come through stumpings. On the surface, this shouldn't be possible; how can a batsman be stumped without facing a ball? The answer is simple: Leg-side stumpings. In white-ball cricket, any leg-side delivery tends to be given as a wide, and the odd thing about wides is that they do not count as a ball faced by the striker yet the striker can be dismissed stumped or hit wicket off of them. This would explain why this kind of diamond duck has occurred seven times in LOIs yet has never occurred in the history of Test cricket.
FWIW, there has yet to be an international diamond duck from a method of dismissal other than run out and stumped, but it is theoretically possible for a batsman who is dismissed hit wicket (off a wide), obstructing the field or retired out to achieve a diamond duck. Will any batsman be brave enough to make history and try to achieve what would be a unique feat by being dismissed for a diamond duck through one of these modes of dismissal? We'll have to wait and see.

Specialist Six-Hitters

So far, this post has been focusing largely on defensive stalwarts, but those are boring to watch. Everyone knows that real cricket is about walking up to the crease and hitting sixes from the get-go, so this section will be dedicated to those players who consider a strike rate under 600 to be too defensive. No score illustrates this mentality better than the rare 6*(1), so let's start with that.
In all the Tests throughout history, only once has a batsman finished on a score of 6*(1). The year is 1993 and Sri Lanka's Sanath Jayasuriya enters the crease with his team five wickets down but needing just four runs to beat England. Phil Tufnell is the bowler who is trying to take his wicket and help pull off a miracle for England, but Jayasuriya is having none of it and promptly smacks his first delivery for six. As far as Tests go, Jayasuriya's 6*(1) is a true case of batting scorigami (maybe I'll do a cricket scorigami post at some point).
As for ODIs and T20Is, a final score of 6*(1) is more common as you might imagine. In fact, it has occurred nine times in ODIs and thirteen times in T20Is. It appears to be the case that when a batsman is dismissed on the penultimate ball of the first innings, the batting team will send out a specialist six-hitter to get the job done. Credit goes to Afghan wicketkeeper Shafiqullah and England all-rounder Chris Jordan for being the only two players to achieve this unusual feat twice (Shafiqullah has achieved it twice in T20Is whereas Jordan has achieved it once in ODIs and once in T20Is).
A 6*(1) is probably my second-favourite score, but you know what my favourite score is? 6(2). I don't think any score illustrates the dual nature of batting quite like this one does. You can be dominating a bowler and smashing them for six one moment, then the very next moment, you can find yourself dismissed by the same bowler. It's poetic. It represents not only the duality of batsmen but the duality of man himself; you can be breezing through life one second then you could be rock-bottom the next. 6(2) is not just a score; it is a representation of life itself, cricket's ode to the erratic nature of mankind's existence.
Much like 6*(1), 6(2) has only occurred once in Test cricket, in 1958 to be precise. The West Indies were 401 runs behind Australia heading into the third innings and they required a miracle just to stay in the game. A 179-run partnership between Walcott and Sobers gave the West Indies hope, but they then proceeded to collapse from 244/3 to 283/8. In comes Frank King at #10 with his team needing over a hundred runs just to make Australia bat again. Not wanting to go down without a fight, he heaves the bowler for six off his first ball. Alas, his very next ball results in him being caught, but one cannot fault King for his effort in the face of certain defeat (apart from the fact that he had Everton Weekes at the other end, but we'll just ignore that).
This scoreline of 6(2) has occurred ten times in ODIs and eleven times in T20Is. No batsman in international cricket has ever achieved it twice. The first player to achieve it twice will thus have their names etched in the history books for their unique feat.
South Africa's Mangaliso Mosehle deserves special mention, though. He has achieved the ultimate cricket scorigami: His score of 6(1) against Sri Lanka in a 2016 T20I is the only such score in the entire history of international cricket. He came in at #6 at the end of South Africa's ninth over and hit his first international ball for six. He was then run out as the non-striker in the next over, leaving him on a score of 6(1). Not only did his team win the match, but Mosehle achieved what no other batsman has achieved before or since. Truly, his name must be counted among the likes of Lara, Tendulkar and Bradman for this one-of-a-kind feat.
In cases such as 6*(1) and 6(1), the batsman was left with a strike rate of 600. Can it go higher, though? Has any batsman done better than 600? For the first question, the answer is surprisingly yes. It is indeed theoretically possible for a batsman to finish an innings with a strike rate greater than 600. If he hits a ball for three and the fielding side then throws the ball to the boundary, the number of runs scored off of that delivery will be 3 + 4 overthrows = 7. This is how it would theoretically be possible for a batsman to conclude an innings with a strike rate greater than 600.
Does this mean that there is a batsman out there who has struck at a rate greater than 600? Unfortunately, no. Though it is doable, it has never happened in international cricket. The highest SR ever achieved in an international innings is 600; that includes Mosehle, all the players who have scored 6*(1), and Afghanistan's Dawlat Zadran, who against Oman in 2016 scored 12*(2) to win his team the T20I by three wickets with three balls remaining. He clearly did his job as specialist six-hitter very well indeed, for he is the only batsman in international cricket to have finished an innings with a strike rate of 600 having faced more than one ball.
Since no batsman has struck at greater than 600 in an innings, it stands to reason that no batsman has struck at greater than 600 over their career. Has anyone struck at exactly 600, though? Is there a batsman who hit their only ball in international cricket for six?
No-one's done it in Tests, that's for sure. The batsman with the highest confirmed career strike rate in Tests is Australia's Fred Freer, who hit 28*(21) in his only innings for a career SR of 133.33. However, Bill Howell (also Australian) may have had an SR of up to 205.88, though we don't have full ball-by-ball data for his innings.
In ODIs and T20Is, the records are undisputed. South African pace bowler Johann Louw holds the accolade in ODIs, having scored 23(7) in his only innings for a career strike rate of 328.57, and Bahrain's Qasim Zia hit a four off his only international delivery to take the record for the highest career strike rate in T20Is.
As you can see, not only has no batsmen ever finished with a career SR greater than 600, but none have even managed to finish with an SR of exactly 600. To strike at greater than 600 over the course of an innings would be unique in international cricket; to strike at exactly 600 over the course of a career would be truly special; to strike at greater than 600 over the course of a career, however, would be the holy grail of unusual batting feats. The player who manages to achieve that would surely go down in cricketing folklore for all eternity.

To Be Or Not To Be On Strike

All of the aforementioned batting feats require that the batsman has actually faced a ball. What if that's not the case, though? What if a batsman's dedication to weirdness is so great that they do not even bother to get themselves on strike? Or, perhaps more accurately, what if a batsman's dedication to weirdness is so great that they do not allow their partner to take the strike?
That is precisely what happened in 2012 when England faced Pakistan in the first Test of the tour. With Pakistan on 319/9 in their first innings, Adnan Akmal evidently didn't trust his partner Aizaz Cheema to face even one delivery, with the result that the two batsmen put on a 19-run partnership for the tenth wicket despite Cheema not facing a single ball. What makes this notable is that Cheema batted for 20 minutes without facing a delivery, which is a Test match record. Amusingly, Cheema ended his career with five innings batted, five not-outs, a high score of 1*, 23 balls faced and a strike rate of 4.34.
As for T20Is, I must admit that I am rather bemused. Afghanistan's Amir Hamza holds the record for the most minutes batted in a T20I innings without facing a ball, having batted for 10 minutes against the Netherlands in 2013. However, I'm confused as to how he managed to achieve this. Afghanistan's ninth wicket fell on the final ball of the nineteenth over, and so Hamza's partner faced the first ball of the final over. However, Hamza was also run out for a diamond duck on the first ball of the final over. This means that the gap between the end of the nineteenth over and the beginning of the final over was 10 minutes. How is that even possible in a T20I? Cricinfo isn't helping me at all here.
Now for the reason I wanted to make this post in the first place. This particular innings took place in 2017, during an ODI between Australia and New Zealand. New Zealand had set the Aussies a target of 287 and the chasing side found themselves facing certain defeat on 226/9, with only Marcus Stoinis and Josh Hazlewood left at the crease.
What happened next was nothing short of spectacular. Stoinis somehow managed to farm the strike with such effectiveness that immediately prior to the final ball of the 47th over, the two batsmen had put on a tenth-wicket partnership of 54 runs and needed just six more runs to win. The kicker? Hazlewood didn't face a single ball. Stoinis had faced every single delivery in the partnership. Australia's innings finally ended on the final ball of the 47th over when Hazlewood was run out for a diamond duck while attempting to take a single, but if Stoinis had pulled it off, it would surely have been one of the greatest ODI innings of all time.
All in all, Hazlewood batted for 26 minutes, which is by far the longest innings by a batsman without facing a single ball in the history of international cricket. When I first heard about this stat, I couldn't believe it; I found it so unusual and so unique that I decided to look for more weird and wonderful batting feats, and that's how this post came about. Hats off to specialist non-striker Josh Hazlewood, then, for inspiring me to do this.
You might think that any batsman who faces zero balls in an innings can only end up with a score of either 0 or 0*, and if you think that, you'd be right. Nonetheless, while searching through Cricinfo's database to find the weirdest batting feats out there, I came across this scorecard. Apparently, this is due to a scoring error as the scorer incorrectly neglected to count the no-ball as a ball faced. The fact that this is the only such instance of this happening in Cricinfo's database supports this theory.
Hazlewood's achievement was superb, but even he only managed it in one innings. How about over an entire career? Who holds the record for the most minutes batted over a career without facing a ball? Unfortunately, Cricinfo won't let me find that out for Tests, and the ODI and T20I data present nothing at all unusual (the record is 2 minutes for ODIs and 5 minutes for T20Is, in case you're wondering).
Matches played is somewhat more interesting. Once again, Cricinfo won't let me do this for Tests, but India's Jaydev Unadkat holds the record for the most ODIs played without facing a single ball, having played in seven ODIs. However, he's also never had to bat; if we restrict our search only to those who have batted at least one innings, Lance Gibbs and Pakistan's Mohammad Khalil come out on top, both having played three ODIs without facing a ball.
The West Indies' Krishmar Santokie holds the record for the most T20Is played without facing a single ball, having played in twelve of them (talk about specialist bowler!), although India's Mohammed Shami and Scotland's Hamza Tahir are closing in on that record, both having played in eleven T20Is without facing a single ball. Unlike Unadkat (and Shami and Tahir, for that matter), Santokie actually batted in one innings (against Ireland in 2014), though that would be his only international innings with the bat.

Extra, Extra!

I don't think Extras gets enough credit. The dude's been batting for 144 years and yet no-one praises his longevity. This final section will thus be dedicated to the man, the myth, the legend, Mr. Extras himself.
Despite his long and illustrious career, Extras has only top-scored in 19 completed Test innings. The lowest such score came in 1924; England scored 438 in the first innings while South Africa could only manage 30, with Extras scoring a swashbuckling 11 to lessen South Africa's humiliation. The skipper, Herbie Taylor, was the next-highest scorer with 7; a true captain's knock from him. Extras' highest score was a 76 for Pakistan against India in 2007 (he had also scored 38 and 41 in India's two innings, so it was a good match for him), but this was not the highest score in the innings.
In total, Extras has top-scored in 39 completed ODI innings. This includes a 2004 ODI between Zimbabwe and Sri Lanka, in which Extras scored 7 of Zimbabwe's 35 runs (tied with Dion Ebrahim for Zimbabwe's top scorer that game). Extras has also scored three half-centuries in ODIs, his highest score of 59 occurring twice in 1989 and 1999, both for Pakistan. For some reason, Extras just really loves scoring for Pakistan.
Extras has top-scored in 10 completed T20I innings, the lowest of which was once again a score of 7, this time coming for Turkey against Luxembourg in 2019 (Turkey scored just 28 runs in that match). Extras has never scored a half-century in T20Is, with his top score being 39 for Czechia against Turkey in 2019.
That's strange. This Extras fellow, despite having a 144-year-long batting career, has never scored a century, or even approached a century. I personally think that he's been given enough chances and should be dropped. I've heard that he can't even field or bowl, so what's the point in having him in the team if he's not scoring?


When discussing impressive batting feats, a lot of people place emphasis on comparisons: Who has the better average? Who has scored more runs? Who has the better strike rate in white-ball cricket? Who has the better beard? Who has the lower dot-ball percentage when batting in the third innings of the second Test in the series on a Tuesday with a lead of 100 runs or more?
However, the most unusual achievements in the art of batting tend not to derive from excellence in the craft but rather from unique circumstances which lead to bizarre stats or scorelines. To achieve what no batsman has achieved before in international cricket, even if it's something terrible such as becoming the first batsman in the history of international cricket to be out hit wicket for a diamond duck, is impressive in its own way. Also, the subsequent memes can be pretty funny.
I hope you enjoyed the read. Next time, I'll be doing the same thing but for bowling. Get ready for first-ball wickets and economy rates of 0.
submitted by MightySilverWolf to Cricket [link] [comments]

2020.09.14 22:34 TheDankestBabyAround Does anyone else feel their close friends forget about you?

I’ll admit that I already have an insecurity of friendships especially how they view me. I feel like my insecurity has really exacerbated over the last 5 years or so. I’ve never had a problem making new friends growing up, but I’ve never felt close to any of them at all. After I graduated college, I felt that I had made a few really close friends, but I still feel really uneasy and depressed over our relationship now a few years later.
I feel like it started somewhat with my one friend (let's call them Z). Z is a store manager for a global chain and I used to work at the same store with them (before they got promoted) so I’m fully aware that things can get pretty wild and it can be a lot sometimes, especially the higher up in the management chain. I thought we were pretty close friends (maybe even best friends), We were even in each other's wedding parties. Oftentimes though I’ll text them or send them a meme and they won't respond for weeks, but I’ll go on facebook and see that they're posting 5 times a day, responding to tagged posts by their close friend group, or tagging the same group in their posts. I’m mainly friends with Z and when I do hangout with their friend group we all have a fun time and it seems like they like me, but I can always tell I'm not a part of their group. I totally acknowledge that I might not be THEE closest friend to Z and that their friend group probably views me as “Z’s friend”. I just feel like shit when I know that Z clearly has the time throughout the day to respond to their other friends, but doesn’t respond to me.
During the pandemic, I noticed that a majority of my friends don’t engage with me as much as I engage with them and my insecurity has really grown. I lost my job due to the pandemic and recently I’ve started to look at jobs that are outside of my city, my state, and my country. I really wonder if I left if any of my friends would really care if I was gone or if I did a Irish Goodbye would anyone notice.
Anyways as to the question in the title, has anyone else felt similarly in their relationships?
submitted by TheDankestBabyAround to friendship [link] [comments]

2020.09.14 12:56 lyonsy1 [r/memes] The Irish are at it once again

[memes] The Irish are at it once again submitted by lyonsy1 to IrelandonReddit [link] [comments]

2020.09.13 16:37 Fallen_Catto Am I the only person who's starting to not like Jack as much anymore?

I don't know if this is allowed here but either way, please hear me out before you scroll by or hate on me. I understand that he just returned to YouTube not too long ago and that this may change in the future. Please keep in mind that this is my opinion, and that I'm not saying this to try to get Jack's attention or anything like that. Also some of this info might be incorrect, since I have watched very little of Jack since he started turning into Pewdiepie. I'm very sorry if what I say here may be a bit incorrect.
I genuinely have been starting to dislike JackSepticEye, or rather, Seán Mcloughlin.
Jack has recently been following in Pewdiepie's footsteps, a YouTuber I never liked in the first place. Jack is slowly becoming an Irish copy of Felix. He started doing meme reviews after Felix did. He's got a man bun, just like Felix. He rarely plays with Mark or Bob or Wade anymore. He really only plays with Pewdiepie when he plays multiplayer games. Ever since Jack started doing Meme Time and JackSepticEye's Funniest Home Videos, he's been doing close to no gameplays (and I'm aware of his recent Flight Simulator videos). I subscribed to him because I loved his let's plays that he did...but now he's rarely doing those and is mostly doing Meme times. If I wanted to watch a YouTube channel of meme reviews, I would've subscribed to one.
The fact that Jack, a YouTuber who was wonderful in his own way, seems like he's now trying to become an exact copy of someone else, is saddening. I liked how Jack was...before Felix and Marzia's wedding.
When Jack was chosen to be Felix's best man at their wedding, everything started to go downhill, at least in my opinion. After that wedding, Jack and Felix started to hang out more, with Felix's style rubbing off on Jack. Seán began uploading very similar content to Felix, and even started to act and look more and more like him. He began acting less crazy and silly as he normally was, and started to copy Felix's attitude.
I miss the old Jack. The one who forgot to edit out the Undertake pee break and laughed at it afterwards. The one who did silly voices for all of the characters in Kindergarten. The one who absolutely LOVED Gregg in Night in the Woods. The one who always yelled "Screw You, Billy!" whenever he played Happy Wheels as the dad and kid on the bike. The one who told us to always have a Positive Mental Attitude. The one who always fooled around in VR games like Job Simulator. The one who loved the sillyness of the Japan World Cup. The one who loved going around killing everyone just for some peace and quiet in Party Hard. The one who loved little potato man in Papers Please.
The one who we loved.
If you've gotten to this point...thank you for reading all the way through.
And if Jack reads this, I didn't mean in a way that was trying to tell you to stop doing meme times, or to stop being good friends with Felix, or to stop doing what you're currently doing. Also please don't put this in a video, my parents'll kick my ass if they know I'm on Reddit.
And if Felix reads this...then...shit. I said what I said about never liking you, but other than that, what I would tell you is pretty much the same as what I told Jack.
I can take all of the hate comments that I know I'll receive. Do your worst.
I didn't mean to write this post to hate to Jack in any way, but I thought I should speak up about a personal view of mine.
Thank you for reading, and I hope you all have a good day.
Edit: Yes, I understand he's in a relationship and that it is hard for him to balance YouTube and his lovelife with Evelien. But look at Mark and Amy. They've been together for a while now, and yet Mark has barely changed. I know nobody is the same. But I just used those two for a comparison (please don't kill me)
I'm also not saying this in a way to make people think that I want him to change the content he's making. No, I don't want him to change what he's doing. Even if I'm not the biggest fan of it, I know all of you like Meme Time a lot, and I wouldn't want something like this to change that.
I know he's got his own coffee company as well, and that he's working with Markiplier and the Cloak brand, so those small things are changing him a bit.
submitted by Fallen_Catto to jacksepticeye [link] [comments]

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  1. Stereotype: Irish - YouTube
  2. IRISH COFFIN DANCE Meme Song ASTRONOMIA Irish style ...
  3. Sqeepo - Irish Swag - YouTube
  4. Republic Of Telly - You Know You're Irish When... - YouTube
  5. If Alexa was Irish (amazon echo) - YouTube
  6. Hilarious Irish lads pre drinks speech - YouTube
  7. Billie Irish Needs To Be STOPPED - YouTube
  8. You Gotta Love the Irish - Funny Compilation - YouTube
  9. Irish Memes - YouTube

Online Gift Store: Happy Valentines Day from Ireland. Funny video with Irish folks!... Go to Ireland. Start a riot. Potatoes. 100% totally definitely accurate depiction of Ireland.. This is a documentary, not a comedy. Of course. 110%. song at the end: 71 by Dave video that inspired this one: Help me reach 100 subs: Follow my Spotify playlist: AirwaveMusicTV - Music for your heart. 🧡 Facebook: Instagram: h... Subscribe to be updated on new contents. If you enjoy, check out my latest mixes/productions and feel free to contact me for any info: https://www.maurizioca... Subscribe for daily videos 🍋 Check out Limenade for even more MEMES: Join my discord server... Very funny For more go to Meme Time is scientfically proven to cure sadness. A meme a day keeps the depression away and here at Jacksepticeye Variety inc. we take that responsibility ...